Calvin Tilokee 0:02
Hello and welcome to the midlife crisis podcast. I’m your host Calvin, also known as Revparblems on Instagram. I’m excited to do this talk show with my best friends from high school and college. Steve and Mikko, what can you expect on this podcast? Well, I like to call it a talk show for Men of a Certain Age. We’re not quite old. But we’re the kind of guys that have to make sure we don’t mix our alcohol on a night out, you know, we’ll chat about current events, trending topics, and things that we just need to get on our soapbox about knowing us. We’ll be laughing the whole time. And ladies, don’t worry if you ever wanted to know what your husband or boyfriend talks about in the man cave. Stick around. Now, keep in mind, we’re old enough to remember when Parental Advisory stickers went on CDs. If you don’t know what CDs are. You’re too young for this podcast. Speaking of which, make sure you have your headphones in. It’s NSFW as these kids say. We’ll be bringing that flavor to your weekly on your way to work while you’re shaving. Or just sitting around wondering why your back hurts but let’s get this show on the road. Hello and welcome to midlife crisis podcast. I’m your host Calvin here as always with my boy Steve and Mikko bringing that flava to ya ear on a weekly basis. On today’s episode, we’ll be talking about shitty customer service. Of course, you’ll get our Chris Rock quote of the week. I don’t like that jerk. Get off my lawn, and a surprise segment that these co hosts don’t even know about yet.
Unknown Speaker 1:22
Calvin Tilokee 1:26
First, how was the week, fellas?
Mikko Miller 1:27
A week was good. went by pretty fast. I had Monday off of work and you know, Thursday was a holiday. Friday wasn’t? Fuck it. Fuck you. Uncle Sam spoke about that last week, huh? Yeah, so it was a three day workweek. Those three days I had to come in at like, butt crack of dawn. So that kind of stuff. You know, working at like four o’clock in the morning sucks.
Calvin Tilokee 1:48
nothing about that sounds good
Mikko Miller 1:49
Oh, no, no, no waking up at like three o’clock in the morning to be at work at four with people that really don’t want to be there anyway. Yeah. Loads of joy.
‘Tis the season
‘Tis the season motherfuckers No, thanksgiving was cool. My wife and I had our own little Thanksgiving thing just us two. Then we went over to the in laws, spent a few hours over there and then came home rested because I had to be at work again at like four o’clock the next day. So that was that. That was my week. How about yours?
Easy week. You know, with the holiday I took Tuesday afternoon from then on off. Got a ton of Christmas shopping done. And Thanksgiving is what it was. No, it was just the three of us. Yeah, hanging. saw some people on zoom. I gotta tell you, the leftover sandwiches, like the leftover Thanksgiving dinner sandwiches. best ever.
Mikko Miller 2:45
I don’t know what it was. Yeah, I mean, if there was a silver lining to not having the traditional Thanksgiving in all it was those sandwiches. Holy crap.
Calvin Tilokee 2:55
That were good. That leftover stuffin.. is a little gravy. Yeah.
Calvin Tilokee 3:01
Yeah. had that for breakfast. Yesterday shit. Yeah, we so we still have some stuffin left crack the egg on top.
Oh, yeah. If you add an egg to anything it’s it’s instantly breakfast food. I make breakfast pizza all the time. Leftover.
Calvin Tilokee 3:17
Exactly. Huh. Well, hey, you know what? This is something that came up and since since we got on eggs, you just reminded me one of our self proclaimed number one fan, Nicole Gallagher, who we have shouted out on this podcast in the past. I recently saw something on her Instagram was very disturbing. She had a picture of her child eating bacon and eggs with a huge puddle of ketchup next to the eggs. Um, and I said Nicole What are you doing? She said this is the only way to eat scrambled eggs. I was like I beg to differ I’m pretty sure that’s not the only way to eat scrambled eggs Matter of fact it looks pretty fucking gross. So my question to you guys is ketchup on scrambled eggs Yes or no?
Mikko Miller 4:01
I’m cool with it. Not my preference, but I’m cool with it.
Same same, huh? I’ve had it I’ll have it again. But it’s not my go to my grandfather put ketchup on that shit all the time. And is just disgusting to me as a kid later on I was probably hung over you know the morning breakfast and you know when your college and Yeah, that makes sense then.
Calvin Tilokee 4:27
Yeah, see? Yeah, she’s gonna like you guys. She’s gonna be like See? I told you Yeah,
but like for me it’s got to be on a sandwich or it’s got to accompany bread
Calvin Tilokee 4:35
There you go. Yeah, exactly. Got to be bread. No, we’re just talking about eggs and ketchup. There was no potatoes. There was no hash browns. There was no toast.
Mikko Miller 4:42
Calvin Tilokee 4:42
Not no. Nothing. It was bacon, eggs and ketchup. That’s a little bit see now you see the kind of sociopathic shit I’m talking about?
Mikko Miller 4:50
What kind of sociopath. No, I love you to go. But I want to share real quick I like my with ketchup and hot sauce. Tabasco or tomatillo. Oh, because I’ve been in California. Yeah, yeah.
Calvin Tilokee 5:06
Yeah, though some hot sauce today. That’s a difference story
Mikko Miller 5:08
you go. There you go.
Calvin Tilokee 5:10
Okay, but just straight up Heinz on some scrambled eggs is not the move. But you know, um, we still love you, Nicole. Thanks for being on number one fan.
Thank you. We
Calvin Tilokee 5:20
know you could take a joke. That’s why you know we give you that early shout out that the top of the episode.
Mikko Miller 5:24
Calvin Tilokee 5:27
Oh, man, but yeah, that’s for me this week was I mean, this Thanksgiving, right? So it was a couple days of work and then everybody pretty much shut it down. I shut it down in a big way. Thursday, Friday I didn’t do shit. Absolutely nothing. I don’t think I really moved from the couch. I think the only time I move from the couch is to drop my mother in law home after Thanksgiving dinner. That was it. I didn’t even take off my pajamas for that. It’s crazy. Yeah, I did that. But that was nice. I’m good. But yeah, just been chillin as I told you guys, we watch a lot of Netflix and stuff. Now. Have you guys ever watched comedians in cars getting coffee?
Calvin Tilokee 6:03
Mikko Miller 6:04
A little bit. A little bit of it. Yeah.
Calvin Tilokee 6:06
I’ve seen a few. And like for me, what’s funny about watching the show is, you know, Seinfeld is obviously you know, brilliant comedian had the show and stand up and everything. But I realized what makes Seinfeld really funny as a comic. Probably makes it really fucking annoying as a friend
Mikko Miller 6:24
Calvin Tilokee 6:27
I can’t remember what episode it was or who was on it. Because for me the show is kind of like it depends on the guest. You don’t watch it for Seinfeld at least not my opinion. No watching it for him. It’s if the guest is interesting, then it could be an interesting conversation. But he on his own, to me is not entertaining enough to tune in, right? But there was this person, whoever he was with, you know, sometimes you mispronounce something like they put the emphasis on the wrong syllable. And they did it accidentally. And he went on about it for like, three minutes. I was like, you gotta be annoying dude to hang out with. You know, like, that’s what makes him a good comic is noticing the little things and bringing light to it. But it’s like, dude, shut the fuck up. It was an accident.
I felt the same way about howard stern. And really anybody from that show. But having like know them would just suck.
Calvin Tilokee 7:18
Yeah, yeah. Agree. But this weekend, I watched the one with Eddie Murphy. I don’t know if you guys saw that one.
Mikko Miller 7:25
nahI didn’t get a chance.
Because he was promoting the the dolomite movie on Netflix.
Calvin Tilokee 7:31
Yeah, this one. It was a longer episode. Like a lot of those are like maybe 20 minutes, half an hour. This one I think was about an hour with Eddie Murphy. But there was a couple things that stood out was really funny. So they’re leaving this restaurant after they had breakfast. And Eddie Murphy sees a homeless guy across the street. And he asked Seinfeld, Oh, is that a homeless guy over there? And Seinfeld goes, yeah. And he goes, you know who homeless people, like probably really have a lot of contempt for? campers. Like, Oh, yall yall, I think this is a joke. I’m on the streets for real. Like this. But um, what was really good though, I don’t know if you guys remember this part about it. You remember the part in delirious when he’s talking about Bill Cosby. Bill Cosby calls him up to tell him what to do with his comedy.
Calvin Tilokee 8:22
That shit is true.
Mikko Miller 8:23
Calvin Tilokee 8:25
That actually happened. Yeah. He’s, yeah, he’s talking candidly on this episode about actually happening. And I was like, Oh, shit. I thought he made that up just to do a Cosby impersonation. He was like now when he was coming up. First of all, he was a big fan of Richard Pryor. And he would try to go see some of his shows. And he was like Richard Pryor. Like at the time, it was like this thing in Hollywood where they could only be one, like one black guy at a time. So Richard Pryor saw him as a threat. So when he would hear that he was in the audience for one of his shows, he’d leave like he just, he would never, because he didn’t want to give Eddie any of his jokes. Well, and yeah, so he was trying to develop this relationship, this kind of mentor mentee relationship with Richard Pryor, which never happened. But Bill Cosby got wind of his comedy, and took it upon himself to call Eddie Murphy and tell him what he was doing wrong, and how he shouldn’t curse and I shouldn’t do this. And Eddie was like, yo, the ego in this guy. I was like, Man, that actually explains a lot about Bill Cosby later in life. Just think, whatever the fuck you want. But, yeah, I was like, wow, I couldn’t believe it. But those of you who haven’t watched delirious, you know, first of all, you’re nuts. That’s worse than putting ketchup on scrambled eggs. But go back and check it out. I won’t butcher the Bill Cosby impersonation, because it’s a classic. But definitely go check that out. Yeah.
If you’re having a crappy day, and you want to laugh, listen to delirious.
Calvin Tilokee 9:56
Yes. Fuck it. I’ll do it. YOUU cannot say fuck in front of people
in his face 20 scrunches that up is great.
Calvin Tilokee 10:12
I call up Richard Pryor told me the story. He’s like, yeah, people laugh when you say that shit. Yeah, you get paid. Yeah. Well, tell him, I have a coke and a smile and Shut the fuck up.
Tell him to kiss my ass.
Calvin Tilokee 10:29
Next time he call you tell him to kiss my ass
flight delayed for like four hours. And I put that on I started having a drink. And I put that on. I was happy as a clam. Yeah, man. It’s it’s just a great album.
Calvin Tilokee 10:44
Absolutely. Comedy classic. But speaking of being stuck in an airport, Mm hmm. This week. I’m actually trying to watch Seinfeld for the first time because I kind of missed it when it was on TV.
Mikko Miller 10:53
Calvin Tilokee 10:54
Yeah. I’ve seen a few of like the really popular episodes
Mikko Miller 10:57
Calvin Tilokee 10:58
I never watched dish. Yeah, yeah, I’ve seen Soup Nazi the one where Wait, wait Kramer’s like lathering himself in butter, to get a tan. Like, shit, like, like, I’ve seen a lot of the big ones like I was in the pool. I’ve seen that. But I never watched the whole series on a regular basis. So I’m like, you know, I feel I’m a big fan of Larry David too, and Curb your enthusiasm. So I’m like, I feel like I missed this best work. So I should go check it out. But as I’m watching this, something came up about a wedding, which reminded me of my wedding story, which led to the topic of this week of shitty customer service. And, again, as those of you who may be newer listeners, I’ve spent 20 years in hospitality. So customer service and hospitality is very near and dear to me, I have a very low tolerance for shitty service. And I’ll tell you this story is one that I haven’t gone into a lot, because it’s a long story. So wherever you are, right now, make sure you got a drink, you know, you’re gonna be sitting for a while this is a long story.
Mikko Miller 11:57
Let’s get it.
Calvin Tilokee 11:58
I get pretty angry. So as much as you already know, this is not a clean show. Just make sure you get headphones in somewhere, you know,
you’re gonna get animated
Calvin Tilokee 12:08
is that I will I will definitely get animated. I’ll preface it. This story is so bad for five years on my anniversary, I got physically pissed. Afterwards, just remembering the experience. I physically got pissed about it every year for at least five years afterwards. It was fucking horrible. So this experience starts off where you got to start, like the night before. So the night before, we were having dinner at Cheesecake Factory, right. The next day was our flight. My wife and I got married in Hawaii. So we’re taking a direct flight from Newark all the way to Waikiki. The night before we go out for dinner, and this is how you know like, shit just wasn’t off to a good start. And like, everything just kind of went wrong. I realized I leave my card at the restaurant. I never do that. I woke up the next morning, like what the fuck is my credit card, left it at the restaurant. And the flight was I mean, we’re leaving fairly early to go to the airport. So probably like 1011 o’clock, I’m calling a way for them to get in the answer, I finally run over there. And I’m like, Listen, I was here this time I sat at that table, I know you have my credit card, they go check. They don’t got it. So now I’ve got to cancel the card and get a new one sent to me. But I’m not gonna be home, right, I’m gonna be in Hawaii, so they’ve got to send it to fucking Hawaii. We’re heading to the airport. Now we just got a new car. So I’m using a GPS because I’ve never driven to Newark Airport, I’ve gone to JFK. And LaGuardia never went to Newark. So I’m like, I’m using GPS, not realizing that the first time you use a GPS, you got to input the settings, right? So this shit is set on like, no toll roads and all this other nonsense. So it takes us on this fucked up route that made it take, I would say at least an extra 45 minutes if not an hour on this trip. So by the time we get to the airport, where later than we want to be, then I’ve got to leave my car in long term parking, which is you know, never close to any terminal. Then we get to the gate to try to check in, we can do the curbside check in because my sister in law had an overweight bag. So now she’s got to split this shit into I’m like, Yo, what the fuck? Like we barely gonna make this flight. Go through security. And it’s me. My fiance at the time. And her sister, my parents and my brother also when they were driving in the car behind us, so we all kind of got to the airport at the same time. We met at security. We’re all like flying through. My family probably gets to the gate to three minutes before we do. We get to the gate. It’s me and my fiance carrying her wedding dress and my sister in law. And the guy looks up looks at us and says we are one seat away. Yeah.
Mikko Miller 14:53
Yes. that’s crazy
Calvin Tilokee 14:54
Yeah, it’s like we got one seat. I’m like, I look around like Well, there’s three of us and it’s not even My God, sir, I’m so sorry. You know, we don’t have one seed. You know, we tried to call you nothing. We got one seat. Like, what am I supposed to do with one seat? There’s three of us and just kind of shrugged his shoulders like, so. I’m already stressed and frustrated, having been late and everything that we dealt with to get there. Right that now that’s not his fault. But haven’t been the person on the other side of that desk for so long. I know that the people who arrive are dealing with should you have no idea about that’s no excuse to be a dick. Right? You got to do with that. That’s, that’s just part of the job. So it is dude. Yeah. Once he I’m like, What am I going to do with one seat? And he’s like, well, I don’t know. So now we’re sitting here trying like trying to figure out do we just send my wife? Do we send my sister in law by yourself in a week go to the next day, whatever. But somewhere along the line, I’m like, this is fucking bullshit. I didn’t curse at the guy. I was just saying that. Like, yeah, this is ridiculous. As I say that line, some dude walks off the jetway, and he’s like, Oh, I don’t like what I’m hearing immediately picks up the phone. Of course. Airport police on you. on me? Yeah. Not not. I’m walking into the situation to say, sir what what seems to be the problems? Oh, sir. You know, we can use that kind of language. But how can I help? Nothing? Oh, I don’t like what I’m hearing. I’m calling a cop. So immediately, the Brooklyn comes out. Yeah, and I’m like Yoda, fuck are you? Right? So now we start going at it. And it gets to the point where this dude, like, challenges me to a fight. And at some point, he was like, yo, yo, Mama. And I was like,
who was this guy passenger?
Calvin Tilokee 16:39
No, no, he fucking worked there. He was the other gate agent. So I guess maybe he he stepped in to help seat someone or whatever the fuck the situation was. He he’s another gate agent. He comes out I guess he must have been the lead, you know, gate agents, so he thought he was a big deal. starts calling the cops. And then he’s like, yeah, your mama. And I’m like, my mom just got on a flight if you got something to say walk back in and say it to her. You know? Okay, he’s like, yeah, at some point. Yeah. Like I said, the Brooklyn came out. So I’m cursing I’m like, yo, fuck you. You know. And he’s like, Yo, I’m right here. I’m right here. I’m like, I was like, first of all, bitch, you called the cops. And you got this big ass that’s in between us come around his desk and see what happens. Right? So before the police get there, the manager comes out now. So now the manager comes over. And he’s at least a little better. He’s like, you know, sir, what seems to be the problem? Bla bla bla. So I explained this whole thing to him. And I’m like, basically, my point is nobody’s tried to help at any point. I get that. I’m irate. And me being late is not their fault. But at no point. Has anybody tried to solve this problem? There’s no point anybody tried to say, Well, listen, you know, we can reroute you through here. Here. We can do this. Nothing. We’re not presenting any options. It’s just, we got one seat, fuck you. And that ain’t gonna fly. That ain’t hospitality. And then then they give you two bullshit excuse Where? Well, you know, you need to be here. 50minutes, five, zero minutes before the flight so we can check you in. I was like, I checked in at the gate. My parents and my brother just got on the flight three minutes before we did. So that’s bullshit. Why did they get sat And we didnt.
Mikko Miller 18:16
Calvin Tilokee 18:16
That doesn’t make any sense. Right? Oh, well, you know, we’ve got to take off the luggage off the plane in case you hear like, what if you put a bomb in there? They said that what? They said that. So now I’m dealing with the manager. I’m telling running down this whole situation. And he’s like, Well, sir, you know, we have a, we have a strict like, no, no vulgarity policy, and blah, blah, blah. I was like, man, get the fuck out of here with this. Actually, I’m like, get the fuck out of here. with that. I was like, if you have provided any kind of service, then you probably would need to have such a policy. You know. And long story short, for this part. It was like, we get scheduled for the next day. Right? So remember, I said that they’ve got to take the luggage off the flight. In case we put a bomb in there. So we’re done with this. we reschedule ourselves for the same flight the next day was like a 3pm flight its one a day. So we’re not taking a chance of going all the way back home plus my cars in long term right? So I’m just I’m not going to take it I just bring it back the next day. So we figured we’ll stay at a hotel right by the airport. And then come back the next day. So we go downstairs for our luggage. Guess what’s not there?
Mikko Miller 19:25
Calvin Tilokee 19:27
So yeah, our luggage ain’t there. Our luggage is on the fucking plane. So what if I did put a bomb in there? Y’all would have been fucked. Right? So your story doesn’t make any sense. So now we got to go be out to go to CVS or whatever I got to pick up a fucking t shirt or something somewhere come back the next day stank in the same clothes I wore the day before? Because we don’t got no luggage. Oh boy, oh boy probably spent like 90 bucks or like, you know Face Cream and makeup it should because all that shits in in the luggage. I’m like, Lord have mercy. So now we get there the next day, it’s at a different gate. Go to the gate lineup get to the front. The lady goes, are your travel plans flexible? I said absolutely fucking nut just like that. She looks at me and she says, Well, well, you know, if you’re going to be cursing, you’re not going anywhere. I was like, is that a threat? So, again, being a person who’s worth on the other side of that desk, how would they not 50 million red flags on my reservation equals a scene? I think. Right? Right. I almost beat the shit out of your colleague. And you mean to tell me there’s not something that says make sure this mofo gets on the flight, right? I come back. I’m on standby. Like, are you fucking shitting? Me? Yeah. So now, after this girl clearly says, Well, I’m not going to help if you’re Christian, blah, blah. So I go back to the gate from the day before the customer service area and find this manager. And I was like, if I had any idea who’s going to be on standby today, I would have got my money back in front with somebody else. How the fuck am I old standby? I’m going to a wedding mind. You. Like are you fucking serious? Easy, Jesus. So now he calls and he makes a call. He’s like, no, don’t worry about it. We’ll get it all set or go back to get me on the flight. And we like all three different areas. But I’m like, fuck it. We’re all on the flight. And I was like when they gave me the key like, I gave him that look like that. snatch it and just kind of I’m like, fucking keep him beside I so when they. Yeah, exactly. Like, you know goddamn key. Soldier get on his fucking plane. Of course. No, not. So, now we fake All right, cool. So we’re gone. But we got married on Molokai, which is the smallest Hawaiian Islands. So obviously not a mega you probably have no wherever Waikiki is. What? Yeah, what island? Is that? A wahoo Oh, yeah. Hello. Okay. So we would have to get to Waikiki and then take another flight. This was all part of one reservation. But of course, when we got to the airport the next day and checked in, they didn’t check us in to that flight. So after a 10 fucking hour flight to Waikiki, we get there. Our luggage is there. Thank God, we grab our luggage. Go to the gate and they’re like, no, there’s no plane that flight was hours ago. And because they never rebooked you on this. It’s like one of those nine seat puddle jumper things. Yeah. So they never rebooked us on that flight. So here’s a night in Waikiki. Hmm, at least this one was taken care of by by the airline and I’m gonna call him out United at the time it was continental. Now the United fuck them completely. So now we spent a night in Waikiki. This is just, you know, a wedding is off the way the swimming start here. Thank God, we did like we have to prepay our room. So we just like to just check it in. We’ll get there when we get there. We don’t have to worry about not having a room that when we got there. So the next morning the only good part about this was my wife’s family was coming from Russia. So we actually got to Waikiki at the same time. So we were all able to get on that flight together to go to Molokai. So get to Molokai, everything’s great. wedding was great. Perfect. Couldn’t have had a better time. Now we’re leaving. And my in laws left like a day or two before we did that was like our honeymoon, just a couple extra days there. So they leave and then come to find out. We can’t even enjoy our two days together. Because why? Because they lost one of their luggage. So now when it’s time for us to leave, we got to deal with that shit. And I’m gonna tell you I don’t know how to fuck you lose a bag in Molokai Airport. The airport is got its dude the airport’s got to be the size of a parking garage. There’s no terminals. This one spot is like the same guy who checks you in probably the pilot. You know what I mean? is like one of them situation. Like you walk in, you give them your luggage. You can see the plane in the back. How the fuck do you lose a bag from there to the it’s like 100 feet. You know, tell me
the classic “You’ve got one job to do” scenario.
Calvin Tilokee 24:33
Exactly. You had one job. Take this back to that plane right there. You know that propeller if you stick your arm out, you would hit it that one. Now somehow they found a way to lose that bag. So we got to deal with this shit now when it’s our time to fly so not only that, we’re on standby the whole way back because I didn’t fucking up the reservation in the first place because we didn’t make the first leg of our trip on the way in. The whole thing is like Like canceled, so everything needs to be re booked. So we’re on standby the whole way back. I didn’t even let my wife get anywhere near the check. And I was like, just stay back here. Because after a while I realized what was happening. I was like, you know, I’m not even telling you this, ma’am. Because it would have been a stress situation, every leg so like, back to my Molokai to Waikiki. Standby, Waikiki. Back to new work, standby. You get to new work. And now we’re trying to recover my inlaws suitcase. This dickhead at the desk has the nerve to tell me. Oh, we should have filled out a paperwork back in Hawaii way where we reported it. And I was like, if the asshole in Waikiki told me that, don’t you think I would have done it? Oh, boy, man. Yeah, so that was, yeah, yeah. And I’m telling you like, like I said, at the top, no joke. our anniversary was like, a stressful situation for at least five years after this, because it just reminded me of how fucked up this whole service quote unquote, service was. At that point, I was like, I thought about, you know what, I think I need to write a book about how customer service has just gone. So downhill in that industry. And I think in this country is general like if you go anywhere, almost anywhere outside of this country, you don’t deal with this kind of shit. Not at all. But again, it’s especially being in the industry I’ve been in for so long. It like, angers me to see people treat their jobs like that. And you’re in the you’re in the service business. And the last thing I’ll say about this so I can you know, get some water take a breath. let one of you guys talk for a while. The last thing I’ll say is member you guys may remember a couple years ago, were united beat up that passenger.
Mikko Miller 26:48
Oh, yes. Asian guy
knocked his tooth out?
Calvin Tilokee 26:52
Yeah, yeah, it was asian guy. He’s a Chinese guy. Yeah. They oversold the flight. And apparently they didn’t have enough space foot for the crew that needed to. They were transporting crew from one one place to another right. And they oversold them. They said you need to leave, he refused to leave. They drag him out at CDA, Mikko he lost it to the guy was like screaming and everything. And as much as obviously I feel terrible for that guy. But it was kind of like, well, that’s United Airlines for you. That’s how they treat their customers. And all the bad publicity was happened right around my 10 year anniversary. And it was kind of therapeutic in a way I was like, finally people see what I saw 10 years ago. It’s crazy. Because this is a company that doesn’t give a flying fuck about customers customer service, or even training a decent employee.
Mikko Miller 27:41
I know. That’s, that’s just shitty. I mean, what you experience is a lot similar to what I experienced on my last trip to Hawaii. But um, mine’s a little long winded, too. But I’m gonna let Steve go real quick, because I don’t want to bombard the audience with like, too long ass stories about fucked up flights.
Calvin Tilokee 28:00
right, right, right. Yeah, we got to give him time to pause grab a coffee. Yeah, pull up the exit. Yeah. Yeah.
You know, Cal, as you’re talking about your experience with that airline? You know, I draw a lot of parallels between an airline and any of the phone companies. They kind of got you by the nuts. Because it shitty service at Verizon, what are you going to do, you’re going to go to sprint, there’s only a few that you can go to same thing with flying. You know, you’ve only got a handful full of carriers. And again, I was thinking about that, because my story is, when my wife and I were overseas, we were flying an airline, and they wouldn’t let us take our dog all the way to Cleveland. They’re like, well, you just, you’re gonna have to go to the layover was in Dallas. And we were coming from Korea. Mm hmm. And they’re like, nope, you’re just going to run we’re gonna fly to Dallas with the dog. That’s it. Like, well, what the fuck to do? Like I’m at the ticketing window in Korea. And this woman is trying to explain this to me and as nice as away as possible. And I’m like, What in the fuck do I do? I don’t have a ton of recourse because there’s a, you know, a pretty big language barrier between us. I just had to take it. So we ended up flying to fucking Houston and having to drive home to Ohio from Houston. Completely unplanned.
Calvin Tilokee 29:27
Wow, that’s crazy.
It was nuts. It was done as nuts. We were so pissed.
Calvin Tilokee 29:33
It was nuts, man. And again, you had we had no recourse. I think my wife may have gotten a like a no, we couldn’t even get the refund on the tickets. And yeah, again, so this is like 10 years ago. So our families have been waiting for us to come home. And they check when they realized that we hadn’t come home because we didn’t have cell phones that worked over here. So we had to go to Houston we got in at like I don’t know like 10 o’clock at night, had to go find some shitty hotel to stay in, and we stayed in a shitty hotel. Then we had to go to Target. I had to buy a fucking flip phone, like I had to go and buy a burner phone with minutes on
Calvin Tilokee 30:15
it right? It was on a wire, and
I could just send them free. I could just sense the judgment from the guy who’s like, you
Mikko Miller 30:27
know, killing it, man. Right.
And then we had to call her parents because like, our parents had no idea what was going on with us. You know, we were supposed to be on the flight. They told him that we weren’t on the flight that we that we never got on the flight. And then they’re frankly, in us. So it was a comedy. There’s and again 1012 years ago, we didn’t have iPhones or anything like that. Yeah, yeah. It was
Calvin Tilokee 30:57
was the dog at least in the cabin with you?
know, we had to go underneath and that was the airline were flying back. He wasn’t allowed to fly in the cabin. Mikko for context, this dog was a West Highland terrier that we rescued. He’s like, 12 or 13 pounds. But no, he had to go in the, like, where the underneath. And what pissed me off was when my wife reminded me of this was that when we got to Houston, the dogs just sitting there. He’s just sitting there, like, off like, on like some far end of the baggage claim. And I’m looking around from like, Where’s my fucking dog hat? And then I see the little guy sitting over there. he’s by himself. He’s, you know, it was really shitty. It was really shitty. And so I didn’t fly that airline, again, for probably like, five or six years.
Mikko Miller 31:51
I just got that.
Calvin Tilokee 31:53
It was American Airlines was American Airlines. It fucking sucked. The only reason I went back to them is because I could get status real quickly through the company I was working at at the time.
Calvin Tilokee 32:04
Nice. me. Okay. Yeah. But see, and I’ve said that over the years? I don’t know. I honestly don’t know if united gave me free flights for life. I’m really not sure if I would take it.
Have you flown on them again?
Calvin Tilokee 32:19
Absolutely not. I have. No, we specifically chosen other airlines. Yeah. That were less convenient. Simply because the most convenient flight was united. We were like, no, we’re not going, Oh, shit. Because even after all of that, I mean, I called customer service. I went through that whole story. And they shrug their shoulders and said, Well, we know we don’t discount or anything for root service. Why? That’s Yeah, that’s what you got back from a quote unquote, service company. I mean, like you said, Steve, I mean, you know, they do kind of got you by the balls. But it’s like, there’s a way to treat people. And whether you like it or not, you’re part of the hospitality industry, whether you like it or not. And that’s not as biteable that’s not the business. So either get ready to get the fuck out. Honestly, that’s just not how you treat people. So, I mean, to not even get a partial refund, for God’s sakes, for any other legs of those trip. Some points say, hey, sign up for this credit card, but give you 50 million points. Can you sum Anything? Anything? The guy basically said, Well, we don’t give anything for that. Never. They’ll never get a dime in my money that I don’t know how desperate I would need to be to ever fly with United again.
Mikko Miller 33:33
They’re Sure. Wow. No, that’s insane.
It just sucks so bad when you feel burned like that by a brand or by a company? Because then there’s no for me, it would be a level of convenience is now taken away from me. You know? Yeah, I hear what you’re saying. That fucking sucks.
Calvin Tilokee 33:52
Yeah, I think we were going to we’re going to Edinburgh for the first time and I think flying with them would have been like, the most direct flight and we were like, No, I’d rather take overnight flight
Mikko Miller 34:05
seven connecting flights please.
Calvin Tilokee 34:08
Yeah. Exactly. Yeah, man. But yeah, there we go.
Mikko Miller 34:16
Now since we rip in on the travel industry, I think I might switch it up actually had a couple in the back pocket. So just to get to your point though. My last trip to Hawaii we did have just to kind of go full circle. We had four canceled flights, to rescheduled flights. 123 missed flights. A hotel night lost at the four seasons in the whole lot, which is about it should fuck ton of money and missed the car reservation because you know where to get a car rental. We missed it because we missed the original flight. And it was my wife’s 40th birthday on top of that, but I am gonna give her Shout out. I know we’re bashing people, but I’m going to give a shout out to Hawaiian Airlines and delta that actually, um, stayed patient with us the whole time. I was frustrated as fuck. You know, it’s my wife’s birthday. We’re trying to be in Hawaii that morning. We don’t take vacations long. It’s like a couple of days. And every day is precious for us. And just having canceled flights and missed flights and missing one whole day in Hawaii was like a big deal. But they they comped us though they comped us they didn’t compensate for the hotel. Because they say they don’t do that. That’s under policy, but they did give us some credit for our next trip. Which is good enough for like two round There you go.
Calvin Tilokee 35:40
Yeah. Yeah. And listen, any anybody can fuck up? I mean, you go to the best places. Shit, what happened? It’s about the recovery. It’s how you handle the situation. We’re all human. And things happen. But it’s about the recovery. That’s what this business is all about.
Mikko Miller 35:56
Yes. But to get to the topic, no. Filipinos in the Philippines are known for customer service, great customer service. So it hurts me. And it breaks my heart and I’m gonna have to rip on one. I’m not gonna say the restaurant name because it’s local here. But we went there with a family of about 2628 a party 2628 we booked the whole one side of the restaurant. It’s a small restaurant and probably seats about 50 max.
Calvin Tilokee 36:29
And is it the place me and you went? Nah, nah, nah,
Mikko Miller 36:32
it’s not that it’s not though.
Calvin Tilokee 36:34
Say Damn, I
Mikko Miller 36:35
want to go there again. That’s not that place was good. That was Jerry’s Jerry’s grill. So shout out Jerry’s grill. But um, now this is another place. It’s in the same area. It’s actually like, probably less than half a mile away from there. And yeah, we ate there. We ordered half the menu. I mean, it’s a crap ton of food. But our appetizers didn’t come. Okay. So we kind of shrugged that off. Drinks never came. We got like water, but no one else asked us for like what else we wanted to order. And then a lot of the foods the main dishes that we ordered were missing. So I’m like flagging the waitress, you know, trying to be courteous because you know, it’s a family gatherings like a reunion flagging them down, hey, we need this. You know, so she runs off, drops it off, runs off, drops it off. And then she kind of just looks pissed off. And I’m thinking, why is she mad? Like, you’re the one forgetting the shit? Not me. You know, I’m paying for the service and the food. And I kid you not probably like 10 items were missing. You know? So I flag a rover. At the end of the day. I’m like, Hey, you know, let me know what’s going on. Because we’re missing this. We’re missing this. We’re missing this. And we’re getting charged. I got the bill. We’re getting charged and we want to order dessert. But is it worth it? Because you might not even bring it out. And she was like, Well, I didn’t get to take my breaks because your party so big. And I’m like, What the fuck? Does your break have to do it anyhow? Like, what is that got to do with me? You know what I mean? Like you didn’t get to take your break. So you’re gonna fuck up our food and our orders? And give us back in your own tip. Yeah. Oh, so here’s the thing. So
Calvin Tilokee 38:14
imagine the tip on a party of 30 people
Mikko Miller 38:16
right, bananas. But I guess it’s because she was already expecting that. I think 18% is just a mandatory
Calvin Tilokee 38:25
so it was already Yeah.
Mikko Miller 38:26
So she’s already counting on that money. Right? But then, um, my uncle was either my dad or my uncle, I think tipped her $1. So, I mean, I would have gave her nothing. That’s worse than not. Yeah, I would have just been worse. Yeah. No,
Calvin Tilokee 38:46
if you get $1 that stuff worth and then getting absolutely nothing. Because when you get nothing, you know two people are like, pissed. Maybe they forgot. Nobody forgets to leave you only about $1 he was making a point
Mikko Miller 38:57
yet dollars up. Fuck you.
Calvin Tilokee 39:01
Yeah, if you leave nothing that’s just, I’m walking away dollars. Like Fuck you. Yeah.
Mikko Miller 39:06
And she confronted us. Oh, man. she confronted us about the tip. She said, Why did I only get $1? You know, so I’m saying to her, Hey, you forgot a bunch of shit. We didn’t get appetizers. You charged us for everything. We wanted dessert. We didn’t even order it because you couldn’t bring up food in time. And you started complaining about your breaks like it was my problem. You can you didn’t get to go on break. Yeah, you guys are short staffed. That’s cool. But that’s the restaurants issue not to customers.
Calvin Tilokee 39:31
Yeah, you should you should even know that. As a customer. You should never know that the place is short staffed or anything. That’s not your problem. What was her response?
Mikko Miller 39:39
she just walked away, like cussing at us like, you know, saying Filipino customers. I don’t want to say cuz no one’s gonna understand. But you know. Yeah, just cussing at us. And just like, and I’m like, talks. Filipino fans man,
Calvin Tilokee 39:51
they might appreciate. Let’s just say Boo.
Mikko Miller 39:55
Boo tamina. That means mother fucker.
Calvin Tilokee 39:59
They appreciate the authenticity, man.
Mikko Miller 40:02
Calvin Tilokee 40:02
bring the flavor. That’s right.
Mikko Miller 40:04
She brought that like eight times. Yeah. I mean $1 you know like I said, I would have just left nothing but Mancha. Was it like not dollar
Calvin Tilokee 40:16
Filipino money. Yeah. Not even us
Mikko Miller 40:18
Calvin Tilokee 40:26
Use that next time you travel
Mikko Miller 40:31
Yeah, I swear man like, like customer service like that. Like if you’re working in a restaurant industry and you’re like a waiter or a waitress? Do good customer service, please provide good customer service. Because I mean, everything’s relying on that your tip heavily relies on that customer service. And if you fuck that up, I mean, expect fucking quarters, dude. Seriously?
Calvin Tilokee 40:53
Yeah, yeah. No, it’s crazy. I mean, I had a VP of operations I worked with once he called it the spirit to serve. And it’s like, you either have it or you don’t, you can’t teach that right. And our friend Sarah, who was on with us a few episodes ago, shout out ask a concierge. She did a post recently, on her page asking, you know, can you teach people to care? And my opinion is you can’t in this industry, you either have that spirit to serve, or you don’t? Nobody should have to tell you that, hey, you know, what, if you treat this party, right, I know, you may not get a break or whatever, but you might get a fat tip. You know, ideally, your mindset should be, listen, this is 30 people that came out to have a good time, and create a memory and experience and you’re going to be part of that, you know, like, make sure they have a good time. That’s what this industry is about fact. But if you don’t got that, at least don’t fuck up your own money. Right? Right. You know, nobody should have to tell you that. But if you need to be told things like that, you just you don’t have it. And this industry is in for you give somebody else a job, go do something else. Go work at the fucking movies where people you don’t use rip tickets, and you got to actually do anything. You know, don’t get in the service industry. If you don’t have that, and you don’t enjoy it. And I’ll share I’ll share a funny story to that in. So it’s not all negativity for me in the first half of this episode. But a couple years ago, we had a high end Asian restaurant in the city, like, and I’m talking expensive, right? There’s this duck salad that they make. That should just like $40. Okay, so yeah, yeah, man. So this should this is high. It is it’s it’s expensive. It’s good. But it’s fucking expensive. But that’s just the kind of outlined the type of police it is and the type of service you would expect. So anyway, we’re sitting there, and my wife wants iced tea. So we asked for iced tea. The guy goes, we don’t have iced tea. I was like, What? I’m looking at the menu. This is an Asian restaurant, right? Didn’t Asians invent tea? right. It’s like what? Right is I mean, isn’t the saying? Not for all the tea in China. There’s a reason they say that but y’all got to gimme that shit. Yo, guys. What? Like, I’m gonna go to a Indian restaurant and not get curry. Right. Right. Right. The fuck are you talking about? Right. So there’s tea on the menu. I’m sure you have ice. Right? If you need me to finish this for you. That was like, Well, I have tea here. Right? I’m seeing tea on the menu. Yeah. And you probably have some ice in the back. Yeah, but we don’t got iced tea. Okay. Why don’t you just bring me to hot tea in a glass ice I handle myself. Well, I mean, you can’t make it like this up. You really can’t. And it’s crazy.
Mikko Miller 43:51
Man. You know what, sometimes it’s hard for people to like Kava. I don’t want a common sense. Maybe it’s streets. I can’t pinpoint the word but street smarts, street smarts. There you go street smart. Like you have tea. You have ice. You have glass. Put that shit together. Voila. Ice motherfucking day. You know,
Calvin Tilokee 44:12
I mean, I didn’t ask you to make me a souffle. Right, right. So you see. I mean, how hard could that be?
Mikko Miller 44:21
Calvin Tilokee 44:23
you would explain this to a server. Somebody’s already working in food. Like I’m not at the gas thing. Right? Right. You’re in a restaurant, serving food and drink to people. I’ve got explained to you how to make iced tea.
Mikko Miller 44:36
Maybe he’s like we don’t have that actor here. We don’t have that wrapper here.
Calvin Tilokee 44:44
Probably like I see. The guy from his standing behind you just orders off the menu my father would think you should. ice tea. Tea. Maybe if you was Ice-T. You could guess us right.
Mikko Miller 44:57
New jack city.
What the fuck?
Calvin Tilokee 45:06
Oh, man, crazy. That was that was pretty lit Steve you anymore?
Oh shit. I mean, Lowe’s was on my shitless for a while they can be around some carpeting past me from one customer service agent to another and I mean, I keep trying to, you know, just envision people, you know, they’re trying their best however much they fuck up however much they fall sight of my expectations. You know, I like to believe that they’re, you know, at least trying their best or maybe they had a shitty day, whatever.
Calvin Tilokee 45:37
Whoever’s at Lowe’s on the customer service side, who deals with carpeting, get it together, man, come on, it was just bad. Like, we’ll call you in 11 days. I call back 21 days later, went to the wrong person. Someone put it up their ass I don’t know, you know, call me back in nine days kind of shit. And this just kept going. And for a little while it turned into a sport for me. You know, I would just call them up just to talk to them. Like, hey, Jackie.
Jackie. Jackie, and I would just call her up for sport. Hey, and I pause. How you doing? Doing good. I talked to you yesterday, but just wanted to make sure everything was okay. today. I would I would just fuck with him like that. And then we eventually just went to a local guy to get the carpet in fixed, but it was it was fucking around us. It’s just, it’s just a pain in the ass when you feel so helpless. And to me, you know, I always feel I would go the extra length. I wouldn’t even let it you know, escalate to this point. Right? And you see people fallen short. And it just it’s my frustration always comes from a place of I know what I would be doing in this situation. And I’d be fucking Nepal. And you’re just sitting there like with your thumb up your ass. Yeah. drives me insane.
Calvin Tilokee 47:03
it’s it’s a it’s a damn shame.
Mikko Miller 47:08
It’s a lost art.
Calvin Tilokee 47:09
Nah it really is
Mikko Miller 47:10
It’s a lost art. I mean, I always tell my people that answer phones to us, like I don’t give a fuck what you dealt with at home. I don’t care how bad traffic was. I don’t care if your wife husband cheated on you with the babysitter, leave that shit at the door when you come in. Talk to the people on the phone as if you fucking care. Like, you know, walking down the person shoes, right? Like, that’s how we kind of like tell our people to like handle business. And it’s like, oh, gives a fuck that you had a shitty day. No one cares about that stuff. You know, all we care about as customers and other Android phone is? Are we getting good customer service? Are we getting satisfactory service? Are we getting what we want what we need in a reasonable amount of time? And then we’ll be on our merry way. Like That’s it? That’s all it really is.
Calvin Tilokee 47:54
Mikko Miller 47:55
You know, it’s not brain science.
Calvin Tilokee 47:56
It’s true and brain surgery. No, neither one.
Mikko Miller 48:04
day long day.
Calvin Tilokee 48:07
been up since three o’clock. I bet. You know, but no, there’s a saying I came across throw my time and hospitality. And it’s like, they said the guest isn’t always right. But they are always guests.
Mikko Miller 48:19
Calvin Tilokee 48:21
You know, so yeah, they may come in with an attitude. They may be stressed, frustrated, like I was in my situation, I didn’t take it out on anybody until you start acting like, it doesn’t fucking matter that I’m here. Or that you’re not providing me with the service that I’m supposed to get. And that’s the thing if you know, you want to treat people like they’re coming into your home, you may not always be in the best mood. But if people come in over, you’re gonna put on a smile, and suck it up and do what you got to do. And then when they leave, you can go back to you to your pity party. Right. But that shouldnt need explaining.
Mikko Miller 48:52
Yeah, fortunately, it does, though. It really does. People don’t get it nowadays.
Calvin Tilokee 48:57
I know. No, I know. And I’ll bookend this with with a happier story about an airline and this and for people out there who may work in that industry or travel pay attention to the difference. The first time I went to, went to Scotland we flew a European airline flew KLM. And the difference was night and day to my previous story. We get to the gate and check in like normal, everything’s normal and fine. And they say, Hey, listen, you know, make sure that you’re at the gate on time or even early because we may take off early and I was like what? Take off early. Who takes off early. Okay, this is we’re off to a good start here. So we get there. We’re waiting at the gate. On the way like on the jetway, like while you’re boarding. The people are lined up along the way just thank you. Thank you for flying with us. Welcome. I’m like whoa. Now this is basic shit in hospitality, right like when people walk into your hotel or restaurant you get you get greeted, but the last time that happened to you on an airline It was like, wow, this is nice. And then we get in we get sad before we even take off the coming around with a drink card and like, I was like, Okay, this is how we’re supposed to be. You know, so shout out kailyn that’s how it’s supposed to be. And if you fly almost any European airline, I’ve taken like 20 minute flights from one country to the next. And it’s the same way. That’s how they are. They just know how to do service. We got a long way to go. I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with us over here, but we’ve lost it somewhere along the way. And it’s a joke. When you look at the comparison, it really is. Facts. If we don’t get enough now it’s time for everybody got a jerk.
Mikko Miller 50:43
I’m not going there. I’m not going there this time
Calvin Tilokee 50:48
go ahead Steve you go First.
celebrities who posted pictures of themselves with a giant party at Thanksgiving. There was cardi B did it a couple of other celebrities did it knock that shit off? You want to have a big party have a big fuckin party have like 100 people in your party who gives a shit? they’ll post it on the fucking internet stupid assholes and then go on for a little bit a little bit of it fuck you on that show.
Calvin Tilokee 51:18
I mean if you don’t know it at this stage of the game just Lord have mercy
Mikko Miller 51:22
bag of dicks just nonsense
Mikko Miller 51:29
mine is a so they had a complete shutdown of California cuz I cases was so high of COVID Rona and so we have a 10 o’clock curfew. You know no gatherings of I believe 10 to 15 no more than that. And think they limited to like two to three hours and then you have to like dispersing go the fuck home. So our mayor made that statement made that initiative so that you know we can control the Coronavirus and guess who gets caught doing a big ass party at their big ass mansion in the fucking hills. Fucking Mayor done a big shindig with people not wearing masks. And all that kind of stuff. You want us to do that? You want us to wear a mask and stay home and not go out and come back home before 10 o’clock you’re fucking doing it eat a bag of dicks to
Calvin Tilokee 52:20
your the mayor. Did you think nobody was going to know find out about that?
Mikko Miller 52:24
I know somebody posted on Instagram. Oh, yeah, it’s fucking stupid. Jesus Christ.
Calvin Tilokee 52:30
Now listen, unless you want to lock everybody’s phone up on the way in like you do a comedy show.
Mikko Miller 52:33
Right? Right right. You go and get caught
Calvin Tilokee 52:38
god. Oh fucking idiot.
Mikko Miller 52:41
I was getting ready to say that.
Calvin Tilokee 52:45
I can be mad. Glad to remix the remix that I produce. How you go have to wear a mask when the mayor got Covid.
So speaking of mess, my I don’t like that joke for this week is whatever moron didn’t wear a mask in the Ravens organization.
Mikko Miller 53:10
Calvin Tilokee 53:11
the Baltimore. Yeah,
And every quarterback who plays for the Denver Broncos.
Mikko Miller 53:17
Calvin Tilokee 53:20
the Ravens game was supposed to be on Thanksgiving Eve. Right? Which by the time you hear this would have been a week ago. Yep. That game got postponed because there was a COVID outbreak and apparently this came from a guy in the organization not a player, just some staff member who was going around the facility without a mask and he was quote unquote disciplined whatever the fuck that mean. Then the game was moved to Sunday. There was further tests. game gets moved to Tuesday. It now as the time of this recording, it’s supposed to be on Wednesday to ship my get canceled completely. What I found out during this process is if the game doesn’t get played, for that reason, the players don’t get a check. Oh, so some little noodle dick motherfuckers in the Ravens organization who don’t play no football as a bot to cause Lamar Jackson and like guys like Terrell Suggs a paycheck, I wouldn’t want to be you COVID and go have to be what you worry about, bro. Somebody go whoop your ass. Right like because it probably won’t be Lamar. Yeah, it’s gonna be somebody who was on the practice squad. You know, or somebody some rookie who just was not making a lot of money probably making like 200,000 for the year and now he doesn’t get a check. He gonna fuck you up. And every quarterback for the Denver Broncos. The Broncos had to play a game yesterday with a practice squad wide receiver who played quarterback like four years ago in high school Assam shit. He hasn’t thrown a pass in like four or five years. That was the starting quarterback. back for an NFL team because the entire quarterback club for the Denver Broncos came in wearing no mask and had a meeting together. They all got COVID now, you can’t make the shit up t that ship is a bunch of fucking idiots.
Mikko Miller 55:15
If you make 2 million and you lose half you might have to make 40,000 I bet you’re my mama cuz you ain’t elope. You gonna have to kill something? Oh my god.
Calvin Tilokee 55:39
absolutely ridiculous. All right now it’s time for
Mikko Miller 55:45
this isn’t about young kids. This is going back to the service industry. Filipino restaurants with Filipino waiters and waitresses and waitstaff and fuck it greeters. All those people who prioritize and show more respect and attention to American customers versus their fellow Filipino customers as if our money isn’t the same color green. As Americans or other foreign nationals who happen to be eating at that establishment. Walk you fuck all you. It’s the same fucking money treat me with the same amount of respect as an American, African American, white American, Russian American, whatever. But the same amount of respect. I mean, I go to a restaurant. And we get treated worse at a Filipino restaurant. Then as if you guys were to go in, you guys would get the service and the mams and full on customer service full on attention to managers, pinpointing you and making signals with the waiters and waitresses make sure you know you take care of them. But for us, it’s like a bag of dicks. Leave them. Really? Yeah. And it doesn’t happen in like, Chinese and Japanese and Korean restaurant is the opposite. But for some reason in Filipino restaurants, and I’m not saying all Filipino restaurants. I’m saying like the ones in particular that I’ve visited that I’ve never came back to again or return to. It’s been that way and it’s like, what the fuck that that’s it’s crazy. You know? It’s weird, Tam. Yeah. It is.
Calvin Tilokee 57:27
It’s crazy to think that shit. Like that still happens in 2020.
Mikko Miller 57:30
Yeah, it still does. Till this day. It’s fucking fuck you.
Calvin Tilokee 57:35
That’s fucked up. That’s why you only get $1
Mikko Miller 57:39
Calvin Tilokee 57:49
Oh, man. So on Thanksgiving. I had the football game on. Right. And you know, you’re washing up clearing the table, whatever. So the game ends. And it just goes into the next show. which happened to be the mess singer. Have you guys ever seen this? Should
Mikko Miller 58:06
he go costume? And I know what it is? Yeah, I don’t want it. So.
Calvin Tilokee 58:12
I mean, I’ve heard of it. I’ve seen the commercials. I’ve never watched it. I saw by accident. I saw about 30 minutes of this shit. While I’m like cleaning out. And I all I could think of is what the fuck is this show? What is this? So they come back from a commercial and they got a squeeze like five different people doing the little stupid bits. So you got Ken Jong who I love but me wrong. But he’s over there with a turkey hat. You know, some would like a string and it like Bob’s its head up and down like a puppet and he’s doing this shit. And then Jay Pharaoh who I also like, but he’s doing you know Kevin Hart impressions for like five seconds. Then apparently Nicole Scherzinger still alive. I didn’t know about this. Yes. She found Robin Thicke. wherever the fuck they was hiding that for the past decade. And then you got the bones of Jenny McCarthy. You know, all vying for airtime. Everybody’s got to make these stupid little quip before poor Nick Cannon is trying to get the show going. And listen, I’ve made my comments about Nick Cannon. I think I might realize why now he’s who he is. And the talent dealing with this kind of shit. If to be able to deal with that, and keep the show going. He might actually earn all the money that he makes. I might take it back. Because this shouldn’t I was like, What the fuck is going on here? It looked like a classroom of seven year olds and you’re trying to get him to quiet down like it was time to move on. You know, everybody’s talking a pack of nonsense. And then you go to Nick Cannon on the stage trying to move it along. And there’s some kind of psychedelic looking vegetables I hear singing
Mikko Miller 59:49
these people dressed like,
Calvin Tilokee 59:52
like the Super Mario mushroom, right? And like broccoli, and this singing and I’m like, Wait a second. That’s what The mask in mass singers like it couldn’t just be a regular mask, we can have a Phantom of the Opera type shit for like a screen mask on. No, these motherfuckers got full on broccoli costume. Holy shit. And then now they got, they’ve got to guess. They’ve got to guess who this person is. So each person has to go on their, you know, five minute tangent of who they think it is. And I used to think it was this person or whatever. Come to find out. It’s Paul Anka, who if people may not know is he’s famous for put your head on my shoulder. Most people know that song. Apparently he wrote she’s a lady for Tom Jones. He wrote help write my way for Frank Sinatra. So this guy is a legend in the music industry. And oh, I could think about what poor choices has he made in life. Yeah. When he ends up on stage in a fucking broccoli costume. Really bad for this guy. And that entire show just needs to get off my lawn. It was like 30 minutes of gimmicks and nonsense. Just stop
Mikko Miller 1:01:07
but wait there is a mask dancer now. Oh, same shit full on costs when they’re dancing. Instead of singing now I swear to God, I swear to fucking Oh,
how many famous dancers are there?
Mikko Miller 1:01:21
Well, I mean exactly. Yeah. Yeah. You know?
Because Baryshnikov is the only the only dancer I know. And if he’s on that fucking show, forget it.
Oh, he should be just crushing. It was on that show. Hey,
Calvin Tilokee 1:01:40
Paul anka poor Paul Anka. I mean, I feel sorry for him. He must have owed some tax money or some shit or something. Because how to fuck you end up doing this? Like, if you get that phone call from your agent. They’re like, hey, Paul, you know, Maskes Singer should be able to say nah fuck you,
you know, from a celebrity standpoint, is going on one of those shows like the equivalent of being a stripper. For a celebrity.
Calvin Tilokee 1:02:03
Yeah, I would think so. I think they’re hitting
bottom. You’re hitting your night.
Calvin Tilokee 1:02:06
Yeah. You know, somebody I can’t remember who it was. If they got the call from dance with the stars. Yeah. Like that was it? And they were like, listen to it, like not Not yet. Not yet. It’s a little too early for that. Like, once you get that call that dance with the stars call and you’re like, yeah, I might have to do that. It’s over.
Mikko Miller 1:02:24
Yeah, that’s it, hang it up, hang it up.
My get off my lawn is a simple one. This week. I moved into this house. And I had to have I had to do a lot of yard work. I had to bring the I had to buy a ton of dirt and fill it in and reseed everything out the whole backyard. I have like this whole trench dug up to bury a power line. Had to receive that and have it all done up. And I’ve got these fucking spots on my wall. This has been a very stress free week. If you’re a listener on this, you know that I can get animated about a subject. But this week it’s fucking squirrels. eating the grass seed out of my backyard. Oh, I’m almost ready to buy a BB gun. Do it. But I don’t have a real problem with pegging the squirrel but like what the fuck am I gonna do with a dead squirrel? No after it I get to go out there and pick it up. I can’t have my kid pick it up. And I don’t have a dog they can just take care of it. Whatever the fuck and then my other alternative is a rubber band gun but I have to get up close and personal for that shit. I’m not sneaking up on a squirrel. Not a fucking ninja. So everywhere these squirrels can get off my lawn and eat a dick because they keep fucking up my backyard.
Mikko Miller 1:03:44
be there for you all the time.
You know how many times that those scenes with squirrel master have run through my head. That squirrel man getting into the getting into the fucking Christmas spirit of things National Lampoon’s Christmas vacation. Yeah, great movie. At one point when the squirrels in the tree Clark Griswold says doesn’t eat these goddamn things. And so I I keep thinking of Randy Quaid dressed up in that hat with the wife beater on he’s emptying the toilet into the sewer. And he’s St shitters full with the cigar and the you know, bullshit. All these images run through my head when I think about these fucking squirrels my backyard now. Fucking squirrels. Oh
Calvin Tilokee 1:04:40
I don’t think he’s doing that on purpose. Mikko your mic fucked up.
I thought he was making squirrel noises
Calvin Tilokee 1:04:46
You might have to leave that shit in Mikko log back out and come back in. Yeah. That was perfect. We got to leave part of that in Yeah.I don’t know if you hear them like because it is quarantine. I’ve realized that squirrels make up fucking weird noises Have you ever heard them?
Dude. The number of things that I’ve learned about squirrels since these fuckers invaded my backyard is outstanding. is not outstanding but substantial. Yeah. noises Yeah. Crazy. Not to like, get into it. but bear with me cuz I’m gonna take it to a weird place. Have you ever seen a squirrels nut sack?
Calvin Tilokee 1:05:39
And not particularly,
Dude, look that shit up. This squirrel was eating my grass seed. And I’m banging on the window. This fucking thing looks up at me. His nuts. Were gigantic. And he just looked at me with that knowing look of like, I got big nuts.
Calvin Tilokee 1:05:58
Am I fucking you know what it is?
But he like, dude, I tell you what there is. This thing had elephantitis it was gigantic.
Calvin Tilokee 1:06:06
Yeah, we’ve been going for a lot of walks, you know, ever since quarantine started. And you know, I’m walking around one day and it is here. This shouldn’t. I’m like, that’s a fucking squirrel. My whole life. But those are birds that would make that noise until I actually see this thing. And he’s like, every time I hear the noise, his body like is like flexing. I’m like, Yeah, he’s making this fucking noise. And apparently this is to like, warn other squirrels of like, danger in the area and shit like that house like, holy
Unknown Speaker 1:06:33
shit. Dude, I’m
crazy. Look, just look up squirrel nuts. It’s fucking natural. And I got I have black squirrels. I have brown squirrels and I have gray squirrels in my backyard, and they all fucking fight. It’s a big race war of squirrels in my backyard. And some of them are swinging big nuts. It’s just, it’s just crazy. You know, while we’re waiting for me to come back in. I looked at my phone to see if he had sent a message. And he did. And then my, my wife had sent me a message. It’s I’ve read it. There’s times. You know, you love your, your wife, or husbands throughout the day and all that. But like when you’re reminded why you love them from like something simple and innocuous that they do. I love those moments. I just had one one of those moments right now. Nice. It was over. Me sending my wife a text about where I think we should get dinner Friday night because, again, my daughter goes to my parents house. And there was a restaurant nearby that was voted. You know, one of the best restaurants I’m like, hey, let’s get takeout from there. And her response back was I don’t want to paraphrase it I do it justice. She writes back never heard of the restaurant but sounds good. And then that text itself has vocal fry. Don’t vocal fries. No. vocal fry is when men and women do this. It’s when they talk like this because they think it makes some sense smart. Mm hmm. And so she’s writing me the ship as if I have vocal fry if I ever even accidentally do that you got to fucking pointed out to me real quick. I hate that shit. That drives me bananas. Yes.
Calvin Tilokee 1:08:27
right there with you.
I think the worst up talker would be a Canadian up talker. A Canadian a talker with vocal fry and a Bronx accent I think I would stab myself in the ears
Calvin Tilokee 1:08:39
all right now it’s time for Chris Rock quote of the week
the one that one that stuck out to me given that we were talking about customer service and all that was just the one about when you meet somebody for the first time you’re not meeting them your meeting the representative actually just stuck out to me you know and as I go, you know in again in whatever weird form they want to do that in Hmm. Or however shitty it is that that right there.
Calvin Tilokee 1:09:10
Yeah, that’s a good one
I just stuck out.
What about you guys?
Calvin Tilokee 1:09:19
I remember this one this week because I was watching some Seinfeld is when he was talking about like the oj trial and everything. He was like, had that been Jerry Seinfeld charged with double murder. And the police man found a glove just so happened to be in the Nation of Islam. Jerry be a free man eating cereal right now.
Mikko Miller 1:09:42
Right now. Yeah, mine had nothing to do with the episode. It was a the one when he talks about like loving somebody. He goes when you love Somebody you gotta love everything about them. You got to love the crust of a motherfucker. And just love the white part of the bread. You got to love the crust. And he goes, that’s where the real motherfucker is. Whenever you’re into your woman gotta be into two and vice versa or the shit ain’t gonna work. Like that’s right if you’re born again. You wouldn’t got to be born again to if you’re a crackhead. Your woman got to be a crackhead to work. You can’t be like I’m going to church where you going? Hit the pipe. That relationship thing going nowhere. Two crackheads can stay together forever.
Calvin Tilokee 1:10:42
Oh, man. Hilarious. There you go. Cool. All right. And this week’s shout out comes from Marie k on Instagram. And I quote, I’m loving this week’s episode of the podcast. I went to Catholic school and was raised Catholic, and it was refreshing to listen to non extremist people speak about religion. candidly, thank you, Marie. That was our our goal for that episode, which is called the Big Bang Bang Bang theory, for those of you who haven’t listened to it. So go check that one out. You know, we talk about religion, and we live to record another episode. So we probably can do that. We did
Mikko Miller 1:11:19
that get struck down by lightning.
Calvin Tilokee 1:11:21
Alright, so now I got a new surprise segment for you guys. And as I said at the top of the episode for the audience, you don’t even know what’s coming here. Steve will be our first guest. On the segment called “I don’t know that shit, keeping it real!”
I can’t wait.
Calvin Tilokee 1:11:46
So it’s gonna be a trivia question. And we’ll we’ll pass this around week to week. Right. So you’re up first, you’ll be a trivia question. And sort of like, Are You Smarter Than a fifth grader if you don’t get it right? You got to say I don’t know that shit. keeping it real.
Mikko Miller 1:12:02
Okay, nice. Nice. Nice
lay it on me.
Calvin Tilokee 1:12:05
All right. First, ever. I don’t know that shit. In what country? Was gunpowder invented?
China. Oh, smart.
Calvin Tilokee 1:12:16
What the fuck? Oh, yeah. Nice. Nice. Nice.
Unknown Speaker 1:12:20
Nice. You’re smart, motherfucker. That’s
Unknown Speaker 1:12:22
Mikko Miller 1:12:23
Check out the big brains on Brad.
Calvin Tilokee 1:12:27
Your smart motherfuckers
Love it. Love it. Alright, so stay tuned for next week to see if that’s actually alright. And this is Calvin, aka Revparblems aka ref pot travels aka ref pod growth, aka revparblems.com.
Mikko Miller 1:12:55
And this is Mikko the Filipino aka Mikko underscore eats and that’s all the aka I got.
A and this is Steve. You can hear me every week on the midlife crisis podcast with Calvin Mikko.
Calvin Tilokee 1:13:07
All right, another great episode. Thank you for joining us on another episode of midlife crisis podcast. If you enjoyed today’s episode, please leave us a review on iTunes and tell a friend stay up to date with us on Instagram at midlife crisis podcast and on Twitter at midlife pod with a why I realized I haven’t been saying that so some of y’all trying to follow somebody else mid life like thug life with a why show notes for this and all episodes are available on midlife crisis podcast calm where you can also sign up for the mailing list. Drop us a note let us know what topics you’d like us to discuss. Thanks for tuning in and we’ll catch you in the next one.
Unknown Speaker 1:13:46
That was a bit Lesko