Calvin Tilokee 0:02
Hello and welcome to the midlife crisis podcast. I’m your host Calvin, also known as Revparblems on Instagram. I’m excited to do this talk show with my best friends from high school and college. Steve and Mikko, what can you expect on this podcast? Well, I like to call it a talk show for Men of a Certain Age. We’re not quite old. But we’re the kind of guys that have to make sure we don’t mix our alcohol on a night out, you know, we’ll chat about current events, trending topics, and things that we just need to get on our soapbox about knowing us. We’ll be laughing the whole time. And ladies, don’t worry if you ever wanted to know what your husband or boyfriend talks about in the man cave. Stick around. Now, keep in mind, we’re old enough to remember when Parental Advisory stickers went on CDs. If don’t know what CDs are. You’re too young for this podcast. Speaking of which, make sure you have your headphones in. It’s NSFW as these kids say. We’ll be bringing that flavor to your weekly on your way to work while you’re shaving. Or just sitting around wondering why your back hurts but let’s get this show on the road. Hello and welcome to midlife crisis podcast. I’m your
host Calvin here as always with my boy Steven Mikko, bringing that flavor to your ear on a weekly basis. Today’s episode we’ll be discussing all things Halloween from movies, to candy to costumes you’ll get our Chris Rock quote of the week. I don’t like that jerk. And as always get off my lawn. But first, how was the week, fellas?
Steve Rudolph 1:22
Excellent week. The kid was at my parents house twice last week. So I get like two nights to myself. My wife and I, its fantastic. It’s the one highlight for me for COVID is my daughter going over my parents house? Get a night for ourselves. It’s it’s shit.It’s great.
Calvin Tilokee 1:40
Nice. Yeah, that’s cool. So so they must live pretty close to you.
Steve Rudolph 1:43
They do. They’re only like 20 minutes away. But yeah, I feel like a friggin slut every single time. It’s fantastic.
Mikko Miller 1:53
Oh, right. Okay.
Steve Rudolph 1:57
dive right into this weirdness.
Calvin Tilokee 1:59
Exactly. Tool Time. Exactly.
Mikko Miller 2:02
Exactly. It
Calvin Tilokee 2:03
What was that noise he used to make? Oh, yeah. From home improvement.
Mikko Miller 2:25
Jesus. You have a good week. Not too much happened a week went by really fast for some odd reason for me. You know, wake up, it’s Monday, do timecards do all that stuff. And then I look up and it’s like, hey, it’s Friday afternoon. I’m off. It’s the weekend. So been a blur? I don’t remember much of it. It’s just been mainly work. So I have nothing to really say.
Calvin Tilokee 2:53
Sometimes that’s how it is , man. Sometimes it’s just just work for me. I do. Honestly, I don’t even remember the week. Yes, he was busy. I do know that it was busy grinding every day. But I think that’s why I like the weekend. I didn’t do a fucking thing all weekend.
Steve Rudolph 3:11
Nice.
Calvin Tilokee 3:11
I barely left the couch. This weekend was chill. We got up yesterday. I think well Friday night. I stayed up super late playing Call of Duty. I play I was up till like two in the morning.
Steve Rudolph 3:26
Oh damn
Calvin Tilokee 3:27
is like ya know for like a week was like I said it was just really really busy. And I was just like, you know what, I’m taking time to just do nothing think about nothing and just whatever. I wasn’t planning to stay up that late but it just kind of happened but what’s messed up about it is they have a new Halloween theme going on, you know through Halloween. So the whole game now is played at night. There’s ghosts and shit that pop up.
Mikko Miller 3:52
Oh shit.
Calvin Tilokee 3:53
So sometimes you trying to shoot it another player like a ghost pop up and it’ll mess you up because then now it diverts your attention and you can tell by somebody else, you know? And like you go into houses now there’s TVs and they have little clips from movies. Or you know, you’ll walk through the house and I wear like Beats headphones when I play. You hear everything sometimes you’re just a random chainsaw going off. It’s crazy. But the biggest part of the game is theres like crates all over the place that you open up and this is where you get weapons and money and all this kind of shit. Now, they thought they were gonna be cute. And start putting jumpscares in these so it’s gotta be some after midnight. Yeah, and I’m sitting there like I open this thing up and he just like wow, what do whatever like is huge dog and like a scream and I’m just sitting there like, can’t say shit. My wife’s in bed so I can’t react. And I was just like, Oh, just held my breath for like five seconds my fucking hearts thumping and she was like, I’m talking I’m way too often edge bed that’s unnecessary. You’re gonna have a warning now like the roller coasters like, you know, doyou have a heart condition?
Mikko Miller 5:11
Exactly.
Calvin Tilokee 5:13
Oh, man. But yeah, that was my weekend, man. And then the rest of the weekend we spent doing like Netflix watch a few movies or watched the new Borat, which are a little bit later. Yeah, that is hysterical. Oh, cool. But um, yeah, so as I said, you know, this episode is all about Halloween. And y’all see my Halloween already got started, you know, Call of Duty did that for me. So we wanted to touch on just favorite scary movies, candies, all that shit. So, okay, hit me with it, fellas. what’s what’s your what’s the best Scary Movie best movies that we could recommend to the audience for Halloween?
Steve Rudolph 5:53
Nightmare on Elm Street used to scare the shit out of me. So
Mikko Miller 5:58
that’s my #1
Steve Rudolph 6:00
like numbers really scared the shit out of me. I I even had two assholes on my block. Growing up as a kid. These two dickheads we were going to we were all gonna have a sleep over at the one kid’s house. Watch Friday. Nightmare on Elm Street two. And they even had like a Freddy glove and shit. Like ready to go because they were going to try and scare me in my sleep. I just remember throwing down I threw down on you just started hitting hit, hitting the shit out of each other once I found their plan. like fuck you guys. But then like that night? Because I didn’t stay at the house then. I’m at my house. I was crying over how scary that was. Nice. Remember? My dad just holding me. I was fucking awful. Good one. You
Mikko Miller 6:51
Nightmare on Elm Street was crazy. I watched Halloween. I watch Friday the 13th and I never got into the woods. We would never go camping. Halloween didn’t scare Michael Meyers. That guy didn’t scare me as much but Nightmare on Elm Street made me scared to go to sleep. That’s how scared I wasn’t watching that thing. Like I would be afraid that I would dream of Freddy. And so for me it was like the scariest one and I know we talked about like The Ring and all that stuff like last time but growing up it was definitely Yeah, Nightmare on Elm Street.
Calvin Tilokee 7:21
I missed out on all of those to be honest. In the last, in the last few episodes, we talked about remember Thriller scared the shit outta me. Yeah, when I was Yeah, try to get in when near horror for like a decade plus. So all that shit. I wasn’t I didn’t watch any of that. I remember my parents actually watching it in the house. And I wouldn’t even go downstairs when they were watching it. I was like, I’m good. I was I was scared. And I didn’t even see it. Not getting anywhere near that. So I feel bad because I missed out on a lot of that kind of stuff like Halloween and Chainsaw Massacre and all of that. I didn’t I didn’t watch any of that shit as a kid
Steve Rudolph 8:02
Texas Chainsaw was another one.
Calvin Tilokee 8:05
Yeah, I ended up liking that one. I ended up watching that one a couple of years ago. For the first time. crazy enough, but it doesn’t have the same impact when you’re older. You know?
Mikko Miller 8:16
Yeah, for real.
Calvin Tilokee 8:17
So I’m and plus now it’s an old movie now. So like you look at it. It’s like yeah, that’s a scary He don’t look too real, you know. So it doesn’t didn’t really have an impact, but whatever. And it was supposed to when I was supposed to, you know, but one thing that did still get me and I so much later in life was a shining.
Mikko Miller 8:35
Yeah. Okay. Yeah.
Calvin Tilokee 8:37
I watched that in college. Actually. I watched it in college for the first time. And in the daytime. And I was still like, yo know, it’s a little slow. But
Steve Rudolph 8:52
the sequel to the shining. wasn’t that great.
Calvin Tilokee 8:54
There was a sequel to that?
Yeah, that came out recently. Right?
Mikko Miller 9:00
Yeah. Last year. Yeah. Yeah.
Calvin Tilokee 9:04
It was what was Yeah. What was that about? Like, how did they make a sequel from that?
Steve Rudolph 9:08
Well, it was about the kid Danny and Danny Torrance grows up. And he’s gotten them and he’s got the shining still. And he’s, he’s an alcoholic. And then they introduce some kind of, like, vampire into the thing, but it’s not like sucking blood vampire. It’s like, like stealing your soul vampire. Um, so it’s like a shitty ex girlfriend or something.
Mikko Miller 9:32
Team Edward.
Steve Rudolph 9:33
It just wasn’t exactly it just wasn’t a great movie
Mikko Miller 9:42
Team Jacob. I can’t believe that was a thing
Calvin Tilokee 9:48
that was a thing man. Imagine imagine kids grow it up. And like, oh my god. Twilight was the scariest movie ever seen.
Mikko Miller 9:57
idiot. Hey, how about The Blair Witch Project. I never That scared of that movie. But I know a crap ton of people were like kind of shocked by watching that because it looks realistic.
Calvin Tilokee 10:07
I gotta say that was one of the better promotional things for a movie that I’ve seen. I would say probably ever, because just the way that they advertise that, and everything they made you think it was real and they made you think this was real home footage. Yeah, it wasn’t until the movie came out after a while then you realize that they were actors and everything, but that’s why it was kind of scary because you thought all this shit really happened. So I knew it was a decent movie wasn’t horrible there, which was it was a good one.
Mikko Miller 10:36
But it wasn’t scary, though. Right? It wasn’t scary. It just made you think that it was real. And that’s why we people got scared. Maybe but it wasn’t like scary like boo. Yes. Scary, you know?
Calvin Tilokee 10:46
Right? No, agreed.
Steve Rudolph 10:48
More psychological stuff.
Mikko Miller 10:49
Yeah, exactly. The psychological. That’s right. That’s what I was looking.
Calvin Tilokee 10:52
For me. I like those better, like the gory and like, jumpscares like now they don’t that doesn’t really do anything for me. If it’s more of like a psychological type of horror. I like those a lot more.
Steve Rudolph 11:04
Okay,
Mikko Miller 11:05
yeah. You know, what gets me though. The washing your face in the sink. And then looking up and then the reflection of like, a monster a person? That always fucks Yeah, even now, even as a grown ass 40 year old man like that still, like fucks me I’m like, Oh, shit. You know, someone’s back there. And then you know, they disappear or whatever. Like, that still gets me every time.
Steve Rudolph 11:27
Yeah, what gets me is when there’s like a figure moving in the background. And it’s like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, that should always get it just makes my skin crawl.
Calvin Tilokee 11:37
Yeah. Now what gets me is like any sort of like, not necessarily gory, but like physical type of things. So this wasn’t intended to be a scary movie, but black swan. You guys remember this scene? When she’s like, peeling off her like fingernails?
Steve Rudolph 11:54
Which movie?
Calvin Tilokee 11:55
Black Swan
Steve Rudolph 11:56
Oh, yeah. And she’s peeling the fingernails off.
Calvin Tilokee 12:00
Yeah. When she’s I was like, Oh, yeah, like that gets me I got to kind of turn away like it makes me cringe to see stuff.
Mikko Miller 12:07
Yeah, yeah, that’s true
Steve Rudolph 12:08
Cabin in the Woods was a pretty good one because they kind of turned it on its ear that like the secret society who’s watching these kids get tortured and shit. Hmm. Have you guys ever seen that? I
Calvin Tilokee 12:17
Oh, I didn’t see that.
Steve Rudolph 12:18
Yeah, that’s a really good one. Over on a cabin in the woods was a really good one. And I mean, did anyone watch scary movie? back in the day
Mikko Miller 12:28
Oh, of course.
Steve Rudolph 12:30
Some goofy shit right there is like yeah, like that. Another one that Evil Dead evil is great.
Mikko Miller 12:45
Yeah. Yeah, see like Gail love prada shoes
Why? Let’s deal with shoes. Let’s Prada shoes. Exactly.
Calvin Tilokee 13:03
It was me it was me Gail I only touched the top of the breast
movies a fucking classic the scene with Carmen Electra.
Mikko Miller 13:19
Oh, yeah.
Calvin Tilokee 13:19
She’s, she’s like, you know, my boyfriend’s gonna come here. He’s black and he’s gonna kick your ass. Then you look outside and it’s Prince
Mikko Miller 13:31
Oh, yeah.
Calvin Tilokee 13:35
I was going to attempt to do but I didn’t think I’d do it justice. You did good though
Mikko Miller 13:40
got lucky. I got lucky.
Calvin Tilokee 13:43
Oh, shit. Yeah, that was good.
Steve Rudolph 13:46
Man. Fuck. I’m debating on when my daughter sees certain movies like this. Huh? Cuz I don’t know where the hell she got this from. But all of a sudden, Chucky, the killer doll from Child’s Play has come up. And I’m like, who the hell is teaching you this. It’s either me or my wife. my in laws, or my parents. I don’t know where she’s getting this stuff from
Mikko Miller 14:09
Chucky
Steve Rudolph 14:09
Wow. I’m not even about to show her Chucky yet, she’s four. I’m not a monster
Mikko Miller 14:15
Yeah,
Calvin Tilokee 14:16
damn.
Steve Rudolph 14:17
That’s like five year old six. Maybe? I’m joking.
Mikko Miller 14:21
Shit eight 13 Well, shit.
Calvin Tilokee 14:28
Yeah, well, I’d be like I said that was the age that was probably three or four years old when I saw a thriller that just fucked me up. I didn’t watch anything until I was like 15 years old after that, though.
Mikko Miller 14:37
Yeah, and that was Michael Jackson.
Calvin Tilokee 14:40
Right? I mean, he’s scary in his own way, but not necessarily in a horror kind of way
Mikko Miller 14:48
Too soon, too soon.
Calvin Tilokee 14:52
Jesus talk about fucking with you while you sleep? talking about Freddy Krueger Micheal Jackson’s the real monster
Steve Rudolph 14:58
nuts man.
Mikko Miller 15:00
That’s a different kind of glove coming up in there.
Oh shit. Hey Mike why’s your glove brown?
Steve Rudolph 15:12
damn in case it wasn’t abundantly clear
Mikko Miller 15:21
oh my god oh god.Oh god.
Calvin Tilokee 15:31
Oh man listen this it’s just trick or treating and he held on to the chocolate too long. that’s all that is it’s a warm October as a warm up he held on to the Milky Way bar for just a little too long oh god oh fuck that shit where do we even go from there? Don’t even know where to go after that one. Good
Mikko Miller 15:57
it’s brown to the second knuckle
Steve Rudolph 16:12
good segue into chocolate candy maybe?
Calvin Tilokee 16:17
Oh okay cool
Mikko Miller 16:20
All right.
favorite chocolate
Calvin Tilokee 16:25
best movies? What about worst horror movie?
Steve Rudolph 16:29
The worst horror movie
Mikko Miller 16:30
worst?
Calvin Tilokee 16:31
Yeah.
Steve Rudolph 16:32
Oh my god yeah just bad ones are you talking about like worst and like just worst quality or just whatever the definition is?
Calvin Tilokee 16:40
Yeah just like worst quality so I’ll give you an example I’ll give you mine I well one of mine I got a couple but if you guys ever seen thinner like a Stephen King? Yeah, fucking stupid ass movie stupid ass movie to me. I thought it was dumb. At no point was I scared. This old ass woman just comes up and goes “thinner”. that’s supposed to be scary?
yeah, that was it was that one. There was a something called “the happening” by M Night Shyamalan you guys ever see that? Yeah, you know, I thought that was bad. I didn’t like that one at all. So, for those of you who haven’t seen it, apparently, trees kill people in that movie. Yeah. Yeah, it’s supposed to be profound. You know, how we’re destroying the earth and the trees come back and like people just dropping dead because there’s something that the trees are letting out into the atmosphere.
Mikko Miller 17:41
Like the wind was carrying it or some shit.
Steve Rudolph 17:43
Oh, I did see that with Mark Wahlberg. Yeah, that
Calvin Tilokee 17:48
fucking retarded
Mikko Miller 17:49
pretty stupid.
Calvin Tilokee 17:50
Stupid movie. Stupid. But what I really don’t like what a lot of these are. series, I guess you will call them. They just have too many. Right? Like, give me a good horror movie. And a sequel. And that’s it. Tie it up. We don’t need a Halloween 15 or any Friday the 18th I don’t need Yeah. Saw, nine. Yeah. Okay. I thought already. The one that was Yeah, that was the ones that like, killed me, like I liked Saw that the first one. It was really good. And I thought it was a really clever way to do horror because you had the gore and you had all that stuff. But it was this person had a he had his own kind of twisted reasoning for when everything in each trap was meant to teach the person something I was like, this is pretty cool. I watched that one. I watched the second one. And then I don’t know if it’s a second one or third one where you think the guy’s dead. And then at the very very end of the movie, you know a tape starts playing and like he wakes up off of the off the gurney and I’m like, Yo, this guy’s like 95 years old. He has cancer. How the fuck does he keep coming back? Like yo enough. stop.And I was done after that. I could watch any more of those. It was either the second or third one. Like you know what? This? give it a rest
Steve Rudolph 19:07
the crazy movies I saw was critters was a really good bad one. It’s like these little demented hedgehogs from space that terrorize people. Remember, slumber party massacre was one that was just like a bad horror movie. And then Have you guys ever heard of video nasties?
Mikko Miller 19:30
different episode Steve
Steve Rudolph 19:38
It was a term given to movies that were just really demented and messed up.
Mikko Miller 19:44
Oh, yeah, like house of 1000 corpses, right? Like that kind of movie.
Steve Rudolph 19:47
No, no, these were made like late 70s, early 80s when you could. There was one called Cannibal Holocaust. It was just revolting. Like it was a revolting movie, to even I’m embarrassed I’m admitting even watching it. It was like fucked up. You know, because like, we were doing this thing of like, Hey, we’re gonna watch some horror movies and whatever. And then my, my buddy Ed introduces this video nasty. And it was Cannibal Holocaust. And it was like, kind of just brought the mood down real quick or like, what the fuck? It was gross on every level. It was gross. like not even good horror. It was just bad. Like, it was just fucking bad. Yeah, if you’re gonna kick someone in the balls mentally just give them that to watch. Tell them what it’s about. They’re gonna dick kick you pretty quick. I would dick kick someone about that.
And I watched it.
Mikko Miller 20:40
When I think of like bad horror movies. I’m thinking of like movies like leprechaun,right?
Steve Rudolph 20:46
That was just a shitty movie. Yeah, Leprechaun was a good bad one.
Mikko Miller 20:49
Yeah, that’s a good bad one. But even those movies like the house of 1000 corpses and stuff like that. Like, I don’t think they’re trying to be scary, but I think it’s just, it’s all screaming. It’s like scream flicks, right. Like, it’s just like, girls that just scream loud from everything. And I think that’s like, what makes the movie good in that type of genre, like scream films. I don’t know what to call it.
Calvin Tilokee 21:13
Yeah, see, like, I need some sort of a story with with all that, like, I’m okay with that. I’m okay with the gore, and jumpscares and all of that. But it can’t just be that you’ve got to give me a good story. But otherwise, it’s just to me, it’s silly. This conversation actually reminded me of actually a video game on manhunt. Did you guys ever see that hear? of it play it?
Mikko Miller 21:35
Not manhunt.
Calvin Tilokee 21:36
So it’s based off of snuff films? You guys know what snuff films are I’m sure.
Mikko Miller 21:41
Yes.
Steve Rudolph 21:41
Yeah.
Calvin Tilokee 21:42
Right. So the whole thing is, this guy’s locked up, right. And this this person who just kind of, he just gets off on seeing snuff films. So he breaks this guy out of jail. But he’s he set it up, where once he leaves, there’s a bunch of gangs that are getting paid to kill him And the only way he survives is by killing them. And sick fucking game. It was awesome. It was awesome is one of the few games that like you, I mean, you’re into it. Because literally, your life’s on the line. It’s not like there’s an option, or even something else, right? Like, if you don’t go get these guys, they come to get your ass. And basically, for those listeners who may not know that’s what a snuff film is, is just watching people get killed or like get their legs amputated. And like people really think that that’s cool. And watch that. But anybody who’s into video games, go check that one. It’s an old one, but it’s fucking good. And the guy who does it? Who does the voice of the main person is Brian Cox from Succession.
Steve Rudolph 22:47
Oh, damn. Yeah.
Mikko Miller 22:49
Nice. Yeah.
Calvin Tilokee 22:50
And he’s got like, the perfect voice for that. That kind of like ominous, you know? It’s really good. Really good game. But um, we kind of went there a little bit with with Steve’s last category of films. So here’s one that is a movie that I saw in the horror section years ago, that I couldn’t believe was there. So we’re going to debate whether or not it’s really a horror movie or not. Alright, let’s go. Vampire in Brooklyn.
Mikko Miller 23:15
No.
Steve Rudolph 23:18
I get it. I get why it’s in the horror section because it’s vampire. Yeah. Vampire But no, no. No, cheese. is anyone taking the other position on this motherfucker?
Calvin Tilokee 23:34
Me? No. I mean, if the name of the podcast don’t give it away, I’m gonna date myself. I saw it at blockbuster.
Mikko Miller 23:39
Yeah.
either blockbuster Hollywood video. one of those two
Calvin Tilokee 23:48
blockbuster and I’m walking through the horror section. I see this shit. I just bust out laughing and I’m like,
Steve Rudolph 23:53
he’s got the long hair and shit.
Calvin Tilokee 23:54
Yeah, this is Eddie Murphy as a Caribbean vampire.
Mikko Miller 23:58
Exactly.
Calvin Tilokee 24:00
If that don’t give it away that they not scary about this shit. I don’t know what does?
Mikko Miller 24:07
Yeah, no, that’s definitely not a scary movie.
Calvin Tilokee 24:10
No, no. But all right. Speaking of scary and jumpscares and shit like that. Have you guys ever been to one of those haunted houses? Yes. Yeah. Okay, I’ve never done it. So I’m gonna let you guys take it what what is it like? Have you ever wanted to punch one of these people in the face?
Mikko Miller 24:28
Absolutely. Oh, yeah. Totally. My experience, I guess I would just go. We took a trip to Philadelphia, which is about or Pennsylvania in Philadelphia, which is about an hour from where I lived in Maryland. And it was supposed to be a haunted hayride. And for those that don’t know what that is just you know, you get on a horse and carriage basically a hay ride and you get drawn out for like a mile out to like these cornfields and and it’s like amazing, you get out of it. But it was raining so they closed that down, but they did have Have a like a haunted mansion haunted house type thing. And, yeah, you spent an hour in there and people, it was before people weren’t allowed to grab you. And touch you and chase. I mean, people were like, grabbing like, you know, not just a jumpscare like boo like, haha, it’s like, boom, grab your arm and shake the shit out of you type of scare. Like the scariest thing I’ve ever experienced in my life. I mean, it’s I know we have these things now that are like these little House of Horrors in the middle of the mall types of you go in and get scared. But imagine in the middle of a cornfield. There’s like a haunted house, and people just like grabbing you and chasing after you with knives and shit. But, yeah, great. It’s like, you know, you want to punch him. But you know, you have to sign a waiver that you can’t punch them, but they can grab you, which is stupid.
Calvin Tilokee 25:45
Oh, hell, no. We’re not. We’re not agreeing to that.
Steve Rudolph 25:49
Yeah, you’re getting hit.
Mikko Miller 25:51
Exactly, exactly. Right. That’s shit happens even at Universal Studios. And I think they do it at Knott’s Berry Farm they call it Knott’s scary farm. And I think before they used to, like run around and like grab you until like someone actually a I believe they hit someone back. And then that’s when they started doing that thing where Okay, the workers cant grab people and then the people can go punching workers. It’s scary. For I don’t do Universal Studio, scary night. I don’t do that kind of shit. It’s scary. I don’t care. I’m grown. But I’m scared.
Calvin Tilokee 26:25
Nothing wrong with that. I mean, you got to be grown to admit that kind of shit, man.
Mikko Miller 26:29
Fuck that.
Steve Rudolph 26:30
I haven’t been to a haunted house. And I’m in God. It’s got to be 10 years, but I remember going to one. And you know, you’re walking through you’re trying to maintain your shit. And I was trying not to jump when my wife my wife’s jumping. But kind of let her walk ahead of me. So she wouldn’t see me jump. Right. I did that once or twice. Not. Not the whole time. This whole thing’s making me think I haven’t gone in a while. And there’s a couple of good ones or supposedly good ones where I’m at one of them’s in an old mental hospital. It’s like 10 storeys tall or some crazy shit. You get a certificate if you make it all the way through. Hmm, go check that out. And I’ll report back.
Mikko Miller 27:12
Yeah, fuck those. Nice.
Calvin Tilokee 27:15
Yeah, I’m not gonna lie. I’ve never been ballsy enough to do one of them. Because I’m just like, Listen, if somebody jumps out like that, I don’t know how I’m going to react, you might have to get hit in the face. And I’m not going to feel bad about it. So I’ve never wanted to do that. But Steve’s story reminded me of another movie we saw back in the day. Where with this guy was in there with his girlfriend so me my brother went to go check this movie out was called darkness falls. Did you guys see that? Yeah, yes. This shit got 9% on Rotten Tomatoes. So not exactly a great movie, or particularly scary or anything like that. But me and my brother watching this shit. And this guy’s on a date with his girlfriend in the seats in front of us. So there was some scene where you know, must have been some kind of jumpscare whatever. And this motherfucker goes his seat is like shaking, lfor ike two minutes. And his girl puts her hand on his shoulder and she’s like, it’s like a you okay baby. Okay. I mean, you can’t take the rest of the movie seriously after that. Me and my brother were dying
So here’s the major question. How old is too old to dress up? You still get dressed for Halloween?
Steve Rudolph 28:37
Hmm, we still get dressed for Halloween. But
Mikko Miller 28:41
you have a child?
Steve Rudolph 28:42
Yeah, I got a kid. We’re gonna take a picture. If my wife and I went out to a party. When we still had parties. We would get dressed up from time to time. We even had parties at our place for for a good while. But like going out and trick or treating and getting candy and shit.
Mikko Miller 28:58
Mm hmm. Yeah. Okay,
Steve Rudolph 29:01
I don’t know.
15 16
Calvin Tilokee 29:03
what are you going as this year?
Steve Rudolph 29:05
I’m not going to do anything this year.
Calvin Tilokee 29:07
You guys not doing trick or treating with the little one?
Steve Rudolph 29:09
We are. Oh yeah. No, we totally are. But I’m not dressing up just to. I was gonna wear a mask and then, you know, I waited too long and didn’t find a mask. So I guess I’m gonna have to go as a dad of four year old
Mikko Miller 29:24
Caulker
Steve Rudolph 29:26
Caulker I’ll make a bandolier with caulk in it
Mikko Miller 29:32
There you go. There you go. There you go. No, I’m good. Steve though if it’s like a house party, or like a you know, some of my wife’s coworkers. They’ll all get together and have like a little potluck and everyone has to like, dress up like I’ll do that. Yeah, I don’t have kids. I’m not going to go trick or treating when we hand out candy which we rarely ever do. kind of fucked up but we don’t really hand out candy. Usually we’re out and about on Halloween so we don’t dress up then. But yeah, the only other time we smoke wife’s like a little themed potlucks with her coworkers. That’s about it.
Calvin Tilokee 30:05
Right, right. Yeah, for me, it’s usually like work stuff. Like if you get dressed up at work or like an event. And last year, we are going to this Halloween party for like, a lot of us in the company. We’re all going to the same party. So me and one of my old employees who’s a young, younger Asian girl, we went as a as Rush Hour. I was. I was Chris Tucker and she was the little girl.
Mikko Miller 30:33
Hey, didn’t you have a picture of that on Facebook somewhere? No. Yeah.
Calvin Tilokee 30:38
Facebook, right? Yeah. Yeah, I had the I went out and got the suspenders. Yeah, this is like, a fake like Nerf gun. But she killed it. She got like a bunch of these little boxes. And like did like like she was wearing the bomb.
Steve Rudolph 30:54
that’s that’s awesome.
That’s a good costume.
Calvin Tilokee 31:02
Yeah, the funniest thing about it was the party was at the Empire State Building. Right? Oh, we clearly couldn’t walk in wearing that shit. She woulda got tackled ASAP.
Mikko Miller 31:14
Yeah.
Calvin Tilokee 31:19
Oh, shit. Yeah, so we had to get all the way upstairs and then and then get dressed. But that was funny. It was worth it.
Mikko Miller 31:25
Oh, quick note quick note before we jump on to the next topic at my place of employment. Our company policy for Halloween this year due to COVID and people affected by COVID. We are banned or asked politely not to post Halloween stuff, do any kind of decorations or wear costumes during the holiday season in honor of those people whose feelings may be hurt Because they had lost a loved one. Or they’re just super sensitive and have tighty whitey panties. And, yeah, they dont want us to do anything for Halloween
Steve Rudolph 31:59
That’s lame, man.
Calvin Tilokee 32:00
That’s lame as fuck
Steve Rudolph 32:02
Yeah. You can’t even get someone candy or something?
Mikko Miller 32:05
Like what’s COVID got to do with that shit. You know, Jesus. Yeah, but they they asked us not to do it.
Calvin Tilokee 32:14
That’s supposedly that’s a lame reason. I’m sorry. I mean, all due respect, anybody obviously who’s affected. But I mean, that could be any other time. Exactly. You know, Halloween could fall when you’ve lost a loved one or anybody is going through something that means other people can’t have fu?. Yeah, that seems odd.
Mikko Miller 32:32
Jesus died on Christmas. people celebrate that shit. I’m just kidding.
Calvin Tilokee 32:41
You don’t hear him complaining?
Mikko Miller 32:45
Forgive you all. Calvin. He forgives you.
Calvin Tilokee 32:51
Better because we doin a hell of a job on this episode.
Mikko Miller 32:56
We went in on this one for a little bit. Sorry, Jesus.
Calvin Tilokee 33:08
Oh, you know, this Jesus, Martin and Pac.
Mikko Miller 33:11
Yeah. Biggie always in the air.
Calvin Tilokee 33:20
That’s a good segue into the next topic actually is like, how is Halloween going to be different for you guys this year? So Mikko, you’ve already gone in with that. But Steve, with you guys going out trick or treating and stuff like that? Do you think that’s going to be any different?
Steve Rudolph 33:32
You know? Not really. I mean, you think about Halloween, everyone’s wearing a mask more or less. Everyone got their face already covered. And you’re taking candy from someone that’s prepackaged. All good there. So the only difference this year is that, you know, again, because we’re living in a house now. This is our first time really getting to go out and trick or treat only differences that we’re actually going out instead of just not doing anything because again the apartment it was always hard to trick or treat. You know? Yeah. It’s always bullshit, you know, trick or treating in an apartment building anyway. Yeah. But yeah, no, this this year? No, we’re not doing anything really different. I went out and I went ham on the fucking candy. I got a buttload of candy. So yeah, that’s the only thing. We’re doing it different by not doing it. How we used to do it. That’s it
Calvin Tilokee 34:23
right. Okay, let’s go. So no, nothing. COVID related. No. That’s cool. Yeah, I mean, I guess is this is one of those holidays where everybody’s wearing a mask typically. So it’s not really enough. Right? Yeah. So I could get away with it. Yeah, I mean, we never do shit for Halloween. Anyway, as far as my wife and I, like I said, it’s just yeah, if it’s, if it’s something work related, you know, I’ll get dressed up at work or something like that because we live in a building as well. So everybody who’s trick or treating, they have a big bowl of candy at the at the concierge downstairs. So they’ll just do it at the front and then go along their way. It’s never been a thing for us. But now it’s time for a special Halloween segment of get off my lawn. Okay. So what is the worst? What sort of treat that you get in your Halloween bag canget off your lawn?
Steve Rudolph 35:20
I haven’t seen it since I was a kid in god help anyone if I find one of my daughter’s bag those fucking balls of popcorn that are like wrapped up as like a popcorn ball. That’s not a Halloween treat. That is bullshit. Don’t give me any fucking stuff it was disgusting back then. It’s disgusting now. And also any of that 10 cent candy like a butterscotch or anything else looks like it’s coming from my grandparents house cut that shit out.
Mikko Miller 35:56
Wrapped in like day old newspaper.
Steve Rudolph 36:01
Those small little boxes of raisins.
Calvin Tilokee 36:09
cover them in chocolate call em raisinets yeah, I’m with you, thing is I love raisins.
Steve Rudolph 36:16
Sure I love who doesn’t love raisins to tasty treat. But not on fucking Halloween
Calvin Tilokee 36:22
fuck it Halloween if I pull out a bunch of sun maid? Yeah, it’s gonna be a problem. Exactly.
Steve Rudolph 36:28
When I tell you I went all out on the candy. I got like five big bags of candy. And then I got a bunch of whole candy bars just to throw in there to fuck with people. And fruit snacks. And you name it. I got it in this pot. No one’s egging my shit. I’d lose my mind.
Calvin Tilokee 36:43
Yeah, exactly, exactly. But this is your first year in the neighborhoods you ain’t trying to be known as them guys will give out you know, popcorn balls and fuckin
Steve Rudolph 36:51
I got a couple years to you know,
Mikko Miller 36:53
you don’t want to get toilet paper your first year.
Calvin Tilokee 36:55
Now.
Mikko Miller 36:56
I would fuck up some kid if they tried to toilet paper my house
Calvin Tilokee 36:59
Oh, yeah,
Mikko Miller 37:00
I mean, I would turn the hose on on like a cold night. Yeah. Oh, yeah, I hit him with a paintball gun. I don’t have a paintball gun. But if I ever had to get a paintball gun for someone in my shit. I would not hesitate the paintball kid.
Calvin Tilokee 37:17
Know and listen for just a warning for anybody who might be in that neighborhood or area they get about I’ve known this dude. Most of his life. He’s not joking. He will. He will fuck with you. Okay, you want to egg his house or toilet paper? Be ready for some retaliation, and I might even come out. You know what age comes a lot more creativity. You might get hot piss in that water balloon might not just be water
Steve Rudolph 37:42
those are worst hot piss water balloon. Or like the Super Soaker filled with piss camos camo on Super Soaker filled with piss. Love the house.
Mikko Miller 38:01
This it’s gross. It’s like that shit in a paper bag. That you light on fire then play ding dong ditch? Yeah. You don’t want that you don’t want that kind of heat.
Calvin Tilokee 38:22
Nope. hese would not be the guys to fuck with on Halloween. Yeah, we have been there done that.
Mikko Miller 38:30
This aint a motherfucking game fellas. No, for me worst. Halloween candy. black licorice is just bad for me. I know people like it. I just don’t know why you would give kids black licorice. The worst one is here in Newport Beach. I don’t know her name or I also call her out. She she was giving out veggie packs of carrots
Calvin Tilokee 39:01
what’s the address?
Mikko Miller 39:08
its the brown house 3rd one on the left from the
Steve Rudolph 39:14
You got to repeat that again. what was she giving out?
Mikko Miller 39:17
carrots and celery packets with ranch dressing. And she was happy as fuck to give it to the kids. Oh kids I’m all about health Here you go. And literally it’s like six carrot sticks three celery and like two packs of mini ranch dressing. And I’m just like, Why are you giving the shit away to kids? Why all back in their house to fuck with you know what? I haven’t heard it I haven’t I look forward to like people like doing it and seeing it on the news somewhere or people like talking about it like gossip circles but no one did. I guess it’s just like tolerated in Newport Beach where everyone’s supposed to be like, you know, sexy and Botox in
Calvin Tilokee 39:58
Orange County. Yeah. I guess that shit would fly in Orange County. Yes, I’m probably the only place I can see that working for you. That’s a California thing. I can see that working in Cali. I see too many places but Orange County. Yeah, maybe?
Mikko Miller 40:14
Yeah, get bottled water.
Calvin Tilokee 40:15
Right.
Mikko Miller 40:17
bottle of Water for you. Candy bitch.
Calvin Tilokee 40:24
For real shit.
Steve Rudolph 40:26
What about you, Calvin?
Calvin Tilokee 40:28
Well, mine is actually as on that same licorice tip because I don’t know who likes black licorice? I don’t know them people, right? I mean, give me Twizzlers. Yeah. You like licorice steve?
Steve Rudolph 40:40
I love licorice. But black licorice. I can eat like one piece of it. And then I’m good for you know about a year.
Mikko Miller 40:46
Oh, okay.
Calvin Tilokee 40:47
Yeah, see? I don’t I don’t like it. It’s just not my thing. Right. But at least like what what Mikko was talking about. You know, it’s licorice. So you could just not eat it right? If somebody throws it in your bag is fine. I’m just not eat it. But my get off my lawn is for good and plenty.
Steve Rudolph 41:02
Yeah.
Calvin Tilokee 41:05
don’t pretend to be something else. Yeah. Are you like, like the assholes that made good and plenty whatever was around that table that said, Hey, you know what we should do? We got all this black licorice stocked because nobody wants to buy it. Let’s wrap it in candy. So people think of something else and then when they bite into it and be like, Oh, shit its black licorice. Like, yeah. Come on. Find out the asshole that pitched that at a meeting. Um, uh, what is that? Yeah. You hit on spot. Okay, that ain’t cool. I want to know what’s coming alright
Mikko Miller 41:44
do you guys tolerate jelly bellies? Those I’m like, the ones that are flavored like puke. And you know, fart flavor and egg and all that other dumb shit. Yeah, I don’t do that.
Calvin Tilokee 41:57
I’m not. They for me. I’m not fucking with that
Steve Rudolph 42:01
Yeah. Yeah, I tried it for the first time last year. Okay, my niece gave it to me. My niece was 15 at the time. And I never had like the gross flavored ones. And i’m eating them and its great. And then I bite into this one. And it just, it violated my taste buds and I spit it. Like, my initial reaction was I had to eject this. And so I spit it right back in her face. and then. You know, give it right to my daughter. And I was like, Hey, you want to try one?
Mikko Miller 42:44
This is why you don’tfuck with Steve people. His own daughter’s not safe.
Calvin Tilokee 42:50
Exactly. Exactly. So he don’t care about your neighbor kids.
Exactly. Gee,
Steve Rudolph 43:04
you know, I was curious. What were your guys’s best costumes growing up? Like in college? Did you have a good Halloween costume growing up in college?
Mikko Miller 43:15
In college?
Steve Rudolph 43:15
like college parties or anything like that? You know, you’ve got to have like, if you’re going to a college party, you know, you’ve got to have costumes got to be whatever. But you got to be able to hold stuff.
Mikko Miller 43:25
And I don’t know if we ever dressed up.
Steve Rudolph 43:28
No?
Mikko Miller 43:29
I don’t remember any of us ever dressed. We were like, quote unquote, too cool. I think we just wore our Tim’s jeans and a shirt and a jacket or something like we ever dressed up for a college party.
Steve Rudolph 43:43
So for anyone out there, anyone out there who’s still in college, go to health services, start going to health services like week or two before if your health services has a big bowl of condoms, I got this idea in in. I was in health services. I saw this gigantic bowl of condoms. I go I go What’s with these? And the lady looks at me like, you know what do you think, dickhead. Take and she’s like, take as many as you want. I took two big handfuls in my bag and I got the fuck out of there real quick. So for Halloween that year. All I did was I put on nurses scrubs. I got like a shitty name badge and I said doctor feel good. And I gave out condoms to everybody. Popular motherfucker at these parties. I got all the condoms from the health services. They’re all free. And like the scrubs were comfortable. But I’m giving condoms and shut out this one year I’m at a bar and another asshole there is dressed as a doctor. Only he’s going as a gynecologist and he’s got a speculum that he’s going up to girls and going Quack, quack, quack, quack. And then people were looking at me like, yo, get your boy under control. I’m like, I don’t know that motherfucker. Talk about a cockblock? that guy sucked
Calvin Tilokee 45:01
yeah man See?
Steve Rudolph 45:03
That guy sucked I couldn’t wait for him to get the bar. Yeah you give out candidate should ruin
Calvin Tilokee 45:09
yeah like shots yeah you know like like a jello shot injection to some yeah you gotta do some that people gonna be like oh shit that was cool and like they want to follow you I was a gynecologists like yeah real real clever
Mikko Miller 45:23
pervert
Steve Rudolph 45:24
like hey, we’re both dressed as doctors I’m like Get the fuck away from me You’re killing my shit over here buddy.
Mikko Miller 45:33
wanna smell my speculum
Steve Rudolph 45:37
right up to people’s faces like right in their face and on quackquack it was I mean girls guys anybody it was fucking gross
Calvin Tilokee 45:48
Yeah, exactly that’s just poor taste you got it you got to be clever about your costume have some game man telling you Oh game doing some shit like that
Steve Rudolph 46:01
none negative game
Calvin Tilokee 46:04
Oh man. All right so now it’s time for I don’t like that jerk. And this week is my turn. So as I referenced at the top of the episode, I watched the new Borat movie. Mm hmm. It was Borat Subsequent Moviefilm. Yep. Which one of the famous scenes and you guys will will see it features of Rudy Giuliani. Yep. He’s the jerk of week. All right. So this is not going to ruin the movie for you. You guys have probably seen it by now the clips are all over social media. But he gets caught by the female lead in the movie is supposedly Borat’s daughter, and she dresses up as a journalist, and has him in a hotel room in hotel suite, doing an interview and he falls for it. He’s there doing the interview. And she’s lightly touching his leg throughout the interview and you know, flirting with him and stuff like that. And he’s eating it all up, because he’s a slimy, 90 year old douchebag or whatever it is, this girl’s like, she doesn’t even look like she might be older than 19 period. And he’s eating this all up. So she suggests at the end of the interview that they should go to the bedroom and have a drink. And what do you think he does? Sure, let’s go in a bedroom. And at this point, I’m already dumbfounded. I’m like, this is the lawyer for the President of the United States. And again, this is a low bar right now. But this guy is clearly going in there for sexual purposes. And like I just like how dumb and disgusting Are you going to be here? but he goes in and she’s helping him take off the microphone that’s on him it’s so he sitting on the bed and it’s almost like she’s undoing a shirt. And he’s now he’s getting into it, he starts to touch her and lower back and everything. And so she turns around, to put her drink down and this douche puts his hand down his pants. And starts to fluff, starts to fluff up his junk. I just can’t help. I mean, I can’t help but laugh at this part. Because obviously this is this is he’s a creep, but I don’t have a very high bar for him. There’s no expectation of him. But all I can think about is like Dude, if you’re in the position, you’re in that age bracket. Where, you got to fluff it up before you could even do anything? You just just stop. Just stop. I mean, you shouldn’t need a pregame. pregame, your your boner and it’s time to get out the game when you when you got to do it. By your age should be happily married with a wife who knows that you’re gonna need a couple extra minutes. Yeah, you know, prime the pump. So to say 19 year old girls Ain’t got time for that.
Mikko Miller 49:00
Pre game before foreplay. Awesome. All right. Awesome. That’s good. That’s a good one. I don’t like that jerk. That’s a good one.
Calvin Tilokee 49:12
Oh, boy. All righty. So time for the Chris Rock quote of week. Hit it off fellas.
Steve Rudolph 49:18
I thought this was pretty fitting. I’d seen a lot of people this week, just family and stuff. And there’s all kinds of some very professional, some are retired, you know, whatever. Just lots of different types of people. And his one quote of people are the same wherever you go. If they weren’t, they wouldn’t laugh at this same shit. I thought that was fantastic. I think it’s a fantastic quote, man. I mean, you know, you just get that universal. Some shits. Just funny. universally.
Calvin Tilokee 49:58
For sure. for sure.
Mikko Miller 49:59
Mine is sorry ladies, fellas, you want your woman to be happy? All you got to say is how is your day? Honey? How is your day? You know why? Because how is your day is a 45 minute conversation with a woman?
Calvin Tilokee 50:21
Yeah, women dont want you to talk, talk. They just they want you to listen listen.
Every man gotta go to the bar. He gotta go get a drink. You gotta hang with the fellas. He got to do some shit for he get home because he’d know as soon as his foot crossed the line. Let me get something to eat me guess I’m gonna drink. Let me take off my coat. Go in the kitchen and give me my big piece of chicken.
Mikko Miller 50:55
Yes, right. That’s right.
Calvin Tilokee 50:57
Oh, man. I love it. All right. So mine is because we’re coming up on you know, Election Day. Mine was him talking about politics, and certain people in politics, and he’s like, How you going to tell kids? They can be anything? When the mayor’s on crack? Yeah. Don’t do drugs. You won’t be nothing. I could be mayor.
Mikko Miller 51:21
I could be mayor. For those that don’t know. That’s was that Marion Berry. That was Marion Berry.
Calvin Tilokee 51:33
Marion berry at the million man march.
Mikko Miller 51:37
It was a day of positivity!
Calvin Tilokee 51:42
Know what that means? it means even in our finest hour. We had a crackhead on stage
Mikko Miller 51:46
Crackhead on stage.
Calvin Tilokee 51:52
tell kids not to do drugs when the mayor’s on crack.
Mikko Miller 51:55
Yeah. It’s quite political to see I was gonna go with like the Hillary’s a hero. Hillary’s a hero. What the fuck Can she do? Aquaman’s a hero. He can talk to the fishes.
Calvin Tilokee 52:15
I had another political one fuck it we’ll hit em with a lot. This is the one he was talking about. is like, this is just Bill Clinton. Right? It’s just President Clinton. President it aint pastor clinton
Mikko Miller 52:28
it aint Mahajara clinton
Calvin Tilokee 52:33
It’s just regular old Bill Clinton
Mikko Miller 52:37
a man is just as faithful as his options.
Calvin Tilokee 52:47
But when it start chasing us we can’t run that fast. It got me It got me.
Mikko Miller 52:51
Hamstring. She got me Got me. Got me. Funny.
Calvin Tilokee 53:00
All right. Well, that’s a good segue because I wanted to take our shout out segment. And just let you guys know this will be the last time you hear us before election day. get out and vote. I don’t care who you vote for. Yeah, just get out and do it. Yes. All right. But if you are voting for Trump, here’s a piece of advice that the liberal media is not going to tell you. Early voting is a liberal hoax. Okay. Real patriots vote on Wednesday, November 4. So fuck all that early shit. Get out there hit the polls on Wednesday, November 4, and vote for your boy. you heard it here first.
Mikko Miller 53:42
Uh, yes. I agree with the message. Wednesday man Wednesdays Wednesday November 4. true patriots vote on Wednesday.
Calvin Tilokee 53:52
Exactly.
Steve Rudolph 53:52
Listen to you two
Mikko Miller 53:59
no true American vote on Tuesday. we vote on Wednesday
Calvin Tilokee 54:02
those early. Yeah, exactly. No, no, that’s that’s for those liberal snowflakes. Okay. Real patriot vote on Wednesday,
Mikko Miller 54:09
Wednesday. midnight. You don’t vote when it’s day out. Simple mother.
Calvin Tilokee 54:30
Are they serious?
Mikko Miller 54:33
it was Tuesday.
Calvin Tilokee 54:36
See, that’s why you got to get on a way this week. Get the truth.
Mikko Miller 54:39
Yeah,
Calvin Tilokee 54:39
that’s right. You’re not going to get that on CNN. That’s that fake news. Oh, man. All right. Well, that wraps up another episode. Great episode today talking about Halloween from start to finish. Good stuff. And as always, this is Calvin. You can find me on Instagram at Revparblems
Mikko Miller 54:59
This is a Mikko the Filipino. You can find me on Instagram at Mikko underscore eats follow me to see what kind of food I’ve been eating lately.
Steve Rudolph 55:07
Catch you there. Hey everybody, this is Steve. You can hear me every week on the midlife crisis podcast with Cal and Mikko. Have a great one.
Calvin Tilokee 55:14
Yes sir. Thank you for joining us on another episode of midlife crisis podcast. If you enjoyed today’s episode, please leave us a review on iTunes and tell a friend memes from our conversation on these episodes are on Instagram at midlife crisis podcast. Show Notes for this and all episodes are available on midlife crisis. We can also sign up for the mailing list, drop us a note, let us know what topics you’d like us. Thanks for tuning in. And we’ll catch on the next one
Unknown Speaker 55:48
nice. Let’s go
